On This Road
by twilight37
Summary: Isabella Swan wants nothing more than to forget her dark past, but now is haunted with her abusive present. Unable to escape from her bitter reality, she sets off on a journey with her best friend, Edward Cullen, to find the one thing that's been holding her back. Along the way, they discover the truth about each other, and find the true beauty in love. (Scenes of rape /abuse).
1. Him, Him, and Me

**On This Road:**_**  
Isabella Swan wants nothing more than to forget her dark past, but now is haunted with her treacherous, and abusive present. Unable to escape from her bitter realities, she sets off on a journey with her best friend, Edward Cullen, to find the one thing that's been holding her back. Along the way, they discover the truth about each other, and find the true beauty in love. (Contains rape/abusive** **scenes).  
**_

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_New Years parties are nothing but shit. Society has once again drilled it into people's minds that there's a certain way to do things, and with New Years, it's as simple as this - if you're not drunk out of your mind, and humping every guy on the dance floor, then you're a loser. _

_That's one of the main reasons that I'm standing outside tonight. There's a party going on just around the corner - the one that I'm supposed to be enjoying. My boyfriend is in there, my friends are in there, probably laughing, maybe even dancing to the music. I can't bring myself to join them. And while I may have had a few drinks myself, I don't like fitting into societies idea of 'fun'._

_"Hey, you." The guy next to me said. I hadn't even noticed him until he spoke up._

_"What?"_

_"Want a cigarette?" He asked me. I thought for a moment. I try my best not to smoke. After all, I am only eighteen. I asked him how much, and he told me that it was free of charge; his way of saying "happy new years". I took it from him, and fumbled in my pocket for a lighter. I brought the cigarette to my bright red lips and blew smoke into the chilly Seattle air._

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_BPOV  
_

I sat up in bed, panting. Sweat trickled down my back and my silky white, creamy pajamas stuck to my pale and clammy skin. My chest was tight and I suddenly felt suffocated in my own mind, almost as if the nightmare was taking over me. But I felt cold. The hairs on my arms stuck up, and a chill ran up and down my spine.

He always stole the blankets from me.

I pulled the thin sheet closer to me and glanced over at the clock. It read 5:30 in the morning, which for me, is surely early enough to get up. I like getting up early so I can read the paper, and make myself a steaming cup of herbal tea. You know what they say - the early bird always catches the worm.

I was careful as I got out of bed, careful not to wake him up. He doesn't like that.

Ever so softly, I uncovered the blankets from my body and rolled over to the very far edge of the bed. It squeaked ever so slightly - just like always - and he stirred in his sleep – also like always. I watched his brow furrow in his sleep before he rolled over onto his side, and mumbled something in his sleep.

He would be asleep for a few more hours yet.

My feet felt cold against the icy cold hardwood floor. I quickly tiptoed over to the door and shrugged on my worn out, fuzzy blue robe over my shaking shoulders. The sweat dripping down my back was gone now, almost as if as soon as I had left the bed, it disappeared.

As soon as I stepped out of the room I was overwhelmed by pictures of the two of us around the small apartment. And by the two of us I mean Jacob, my boyfriend since senior year, and I.

Pictures everywhere.

Jacob and I at the fair, Jacob with his arm around me, Me on Jacob's lap. Jacob and I on New Year 's Eve and Jacob and I in front of our Christmas tree one year. All of the pictures look the same. His arm is gripped around my waist tightly in every single one, and I look at the camera with a small smile creeping onto my thin lips.

I checked the front door for the paper and grabbed it. The _New York Times_ has to be the best newspaper that's out there and the best way to read it is the original way. I don't like reading articles online. That takes away the beauty of it for me.

I read the paper while I waited for the water in the kettle the boil. There was nothing too ordinary on the front page today - only more crime and robberies, not that that was out of the ordinary for Seattle.

The kettle was screaming now. I poured the scalding water into my favorite cup - the red one with golden leaves dancing down the side - and walked over to the window that overlooked the city to watch the sun rise in the sky.

There are no stars in the city and you can hardly see the moon. But I still feel like a city skyline is the most beautiful view in the world. Watching all the lights flicker on in the office buildings, cars zooming down the dead end streets, and people as they make their way through the crowd is so amazing to me.

It's around 7:00am when Jacob finally stumbles out of the bedroom in just his boxers. His dark hair, wild and crazy, like he had been up all night and his eyes just barely open. He looked over at the window, and sighed.

"Close the damn window." He grumbled at me. "The light is blinding me."

I immediately pulled the curtains back and stood up straight with my hands behind my back. "I'm sorry." I mumbled out.

Jacob grabbed a cup and filled it with plain black coffee and chugged it down, something I find terribly bitter to drink. I like my herbal tea. He then shook his head and searched the medicine box in the pantry and pulled out a Naproxen. I watched him as he did this.

"Why aren't you wearing that robe from Victoria's Secret that I got you?" He asked me.

I decided to change the subject. "What time will you be home from work?" He designs video games. I don't work. I stay at home and focus on writing and photography.

He shrugged and started walking over to me. "I don't know. I'm not feeling well." He stood behind me, his mouth inches from my ear. His breath smelt like coffee and alcohol. "I was thinking about staying at home today…" His hands went under my robe, and he massaged my shoulders deeply.

I shook my head. "No, no, you need to go to work."

He frowned against my skin and held onto me tighter. "Maybe I don't _want _to." He said against the skin of my neck.

I turned and put my hands against his face and dropping my voice to a whisper, because I know that he likes it when I do that. "Please, baby. We can do this when you get home from work and I'll make you a nice dinner and I'll wear something nice…"

Jacob grinned. "Well, maybe I'll go then."

"That's what I thought." I smiled a little bit. "Go on and get ready. I'll see you later."

The second that he was out of the room, I sighed with relief - another morning of success.

Within the next twenty minutes he was out the door, and I suddenly had an entire day ahead of me. Given that freedom, I did what I do almost every day. I changed out of the stupid silky pajamas and put on something more me – my soft, faded jeans and my favourite long sleeved white, vintage shirt.

I put my long dark brown hair up into a high ponytail, I didn't bother to put on my makeup. My mascara and eyeliner from last night was still on. It was a little smudged but it looked fine. It's not like I was trying to impress anyone.

I grabbed my camera and put the strap around my neck and left the small apartment.

Outside is so much more beautiful than the inside. There's more to see, more to do, more to explore. I love the outside so much. Rain, hail or shine, warm, hot or cold. It doesn't matter, I just love the outdoors.

Though it felt amazing outside, I wasn't in the mood for photographing yet another flowe bush. I walked quickly through the morning air. I wanted to get there before it was too late.

The walk wasn't too long; maybe ten or fifteen minutes. I walked past a book store, a gorgeous flower orchid, and waved at the gardener inside. I continued on away from Starbucks and past the library… up until I finally reached the apartment complex nearest to where I live.

The man at the front desk, Mr. Thompson, smiled at me. "Miss Swan! Long-time no see."

I smiled back, already feeling right at home. "I know. I've missed you guys."

"Well, I'm not going to keep you any longer. I know exactly where you're headed." He pressed the button and it beeped loudly.

We both laughed and as I walked by him, I gave him a high five and took to the stairs because elevators freak me out. After hurrying up five flights of stairs, I finally made it to where I was going.

I turned on my camera and messed around with the white balance and settings as I walked. I reached the door and stood there for a long moment. Right as I was about to knock, the door flew open and hit me on the head.

"Oh! Ow!" I cried.

"Shit. Oh my god. Bella, are you alright?!" The person behind the door questioned me in alarm.

I put my hand against my throbbing head. "I think so?" I made it sound like a question.

That's my best friend, Edward Cullen. The two of us have literally known each other for as long as I can remember. We've been through everything together, and we talk about everything together. Our parents are even close friends. We even decided to move to the same city as each other. It took some convincing to Jacob on my part, but it all worked out.

Edward is special. I can't be without him.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. He helped me to the kitchen table which was covered with all his psychology textbooks and ordered me to sit. While I sat, he ran a washcloth under some water and packed ice into it.

"Where were you headed to in such a hurry?" I asked him just as he made his way back over to me.

He laughed. "Your place."

Edward kneeled in front of me and pressed the washcloth against my skin. The ice numbed the throbbing on my head but I tried my best to ignore it. I had for sure been through much worse.

"Good to know that you were that eager to see me." I teased him. "And thanks for hitting me in the head with your door by the way."

"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to do that."

"You're going to have to make it up to me with lunch or something."

"Isn't it a little early for lunch?"

"Fine, breakfast then."

"Okay, what do you want? I have a fine selection of bread to be toasted in my cupboard."

I narrowed my eyes playfully. "Okay, so you hit me in the head with a door and only offer me toast? I see how it is." He narrowed his eyes back at me with the same playful gleam, and we both ended up laughing.

"Okay, come on. I'll take you out for breakfast."

I jumped up from my seat, meeting him face-to-face only just inches away.

I'm not going to lie. Edward is very attractive. His hair is an unusual color - an unusual color that strangely suits him very well. It's bronze like a penny and looks very nice in comparison to his pale skin and bright green eyes. He's very tall, still not as tall as Jacob, but he towers over me and has a lanky build.

"Sorry." He apologized for the second time in the past twenty minutes and immediately pulled back. I pursed my lips and watched him as he grabbed his wallet and headed for the door. "Are you coming?" He asked me while I was still standing there like an idiot.

"Oh." I shook my head. "Of course."

We waved at Mr. Thompson as we walked by the front desk and headed back into the beautiful outside world. The sun's bright rays felt amazing on my pale skin and I could suddenly feel my brown eyes lighting up with passion.

Edward smiled at me and stopped at a cross walk. "Where do you want to go?"

"Take your pick." I shrugged my shoulders and picked up my little camera, looking through the tiny lens. I zoomed in and I could suddenly see everything, like the whole city was in the grasps of my fingertips.

Suddenly, Edward's face came into view. My finger slipped on the button and it snapped. I gasped loudly and took a step back, nearly slipping onto the busy street. Edward grabbed my elbow and pulled me back up.

"You suck." I groaned and went to look back at the picture I had just accidentally taken. I laughed. Edward's face was perfectly clear - so clear that I could see every shade of green in his eyes, the thin line of his lips, the thickness of his eyebrows - and he looked at me with the oddest expression on his face.

"Let me see that." He took the camera and looked at it, then laughed too. "Oh god. You have to delete this!"

I took the camera back. "Why would I do that? I'm using this for blackmail." I smiled vindictively.

"You would do that." The pedestrian streetlight flashed green and Edward shook his head. "Come on, Miss Uncoordinated, let's cross the street. Be careful not to trip." He smirked at me.

I didn't argue with him about that, although I did glare at him. I am one of the most uncoordinated people in the world. There are so many faded bruises all over my arms and knees from tripping, hitting myself on something, or catching myself from one of my many falls.

We crossed the street and Edward teased me even more, acting as a body guard between me and the cars. I laughed the entire time and once we were on the other side, he smiled enthusiastically at me. I titled my head to the side squinted my eyes and smiled right back at him.

Ten minutes later, we were at a breakfast place the two of us go to a lot, mostly because its Edward's favorite. He loves everything on the menu and eats something different just about every single time. I try to change it up sometimes but most days, like today, I settle for a glass of water and some toast.

"How can you only eat that?" He asked me once I had ordered.

"You know me. I'm not a big eater." I lied.

He took a sip of his hot coffee. "Well, you used to be."

"People change." I said quickly and grabbed my water. I drank half of the glass in a single sip and then wiped my face with the ends of my white napkin. "But anyway, how's school?"

Edward is twenty three and in his last few years of school. He's been studying psychology so that he can, obviously, be a psychologist. Whenever he talks about it I always imagine him talking to a patient who's laying on a leather couch. Sometimes that's how I feel when I talk to him about things.

"Mind blowing." He winked. "How are you? How is Jacob?"

"Just fine."

"Are you sure?"

"God, Edward yes. Quit asking." I snapped at him and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked down at the ground then pulled on my shirt and hid my thumbs in the sleeve.

"Why are you getting so defensive?"

"I'm not getting -" I raised my voice and everyone in the café started to look over at me. I lowered it down to a whisper. "Defensive."

"If something's bothering you, just let me know. I can help you."

"I don't need help."

Edward opened his mouth like he was about to say something but the waitress came and gave us our food. I was thankful for the sudden miracle because now I wouldn't have to talk about this with him anymore.

I picked up my plain piece of toast and took a bite.

After our late breakfast, we left the café and wandered around the city until we reached this little park that I always love to come to. No one really comes here and it's always quiet, another reason why I like to come here. There are huge oak trees and the green is always a little greener.

I ran over to a small stone wall and climbed onto it. I put my arms out to balance myself and walked very slowly with one foot in front of the other. Edward jumped onto the other one which was only a foot or two away and walked parallel to me, our fingertips touching slightly as we walked.

"I think this summer I'm going to see my sister." Edward said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's been a while. Ever since she moved we barely talk."

Edward's older sister, Alice, moved to Connecticut last year. They used to talk and hang out all the time and now they haven't so much as spoken since she left. It was sad to watch the two of them drift apart like that.

"That's good." I smiled but looked down at my feet. "You should."

I watched him nod from the corner of my eye.

We walked through the entire park together for a while and talked about this and that. We even stopped and got a pretzel from a vendor and fed a fourth of it to the little baby ducklings waddling around. I took a lot of pictures too. Mostly of Edward, not that he was always aware of this fact.

Talking to Edward is as easy as breathing for me. He's so willing to listen and good with advice that it doesn't even seem real.

"What time is it?" I asked on our fourth circle around the lovely park.

Edward glanced down at his watch that I got him for Christmas a few years back. "Almost four." He replied.

I froze. "_Four_?"

"Time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?"

"I have to go." I said quickly. "Right now."

"Wait, now? Why?" He asked me.

I ran my hands through my hair. "I - I…" I couldn't think of an excuse. I just shook my head. "I really just have to leave. Thanks for today. It was really fun." My words were rushed and my heart was beating quickly.

"Bella…" He reached for my arm.

I pulled my arm back. "Edward, please."

"Let me at least walk you home. It's not safe for you to walk by yourself."

I would have loved to stay. I would have liked to not having to walk by myself through the crime-crazy streets of Seattle. "No… I'm fine… just let me go."

As soon as he dropped his grip on my arm, I turned in the other direction. I walked as fast as I could until I was out of Edward's sight. That's when I took off running. 'I have to get home before he does. I have to start on dinner and make myself look pretty…' I thought with little enthusiasm.

Even at the pace I was going, it took me a while to get home. At least twenty-five minutes, if not longer, but the pressure of the clock only motivated me more. I pushed myself a little harder. My stride widened, my breathing deepened and my heart pounded more than before.

By the time I reached the apartment, it was half past four. I ran as fast as I could up the stairs and fumbled for the keys in my pocket. They slipped through my fingertips and onto ground. I cursed to myself and picked them back up.

Once I was in, I slammed the door behind me and ran straight to the kitchen. The cupboards were empty. All we had was pasta which was exactly what we had for dinner last night. I sighed and grabbed a pack of spaghetti and started boiling a pot of water anyway.

While it boiled, I took my shoes off and put them back into the closet. Then, still in the closet, I pushed back all my clothes and pulled out one of the dresses he always liked me wearing. I took my clothes off and put those away like they hadn't been touched either and pulled the little black dress over my head. It was short and had a deep v-neckline, with a small bow on the bare skin of my back.

I pulled my hair out and shook it out. I put on makeup. All of the bottles were barely used and untouched. I smoothed red lipsticks onto my lips and swiped charcoal black eyeliner along my eyes.

"There." I whispered to myself as I looked in the mirror. The beauty in the mirror frowned back at me.

I heard bubbling from the kitchen, so I ran back in. The water was foaming over the edge of the silver pot. I turned the temperature down and once the water had calmed down, I put the pasta in while that cooked I started on the sauce to go with it - a deep red marinara sauce with mushrooms, along with two glasses of red wine.

I looked over at the clock - four fifty. Jacob will be home any minute now. I just hope that he isn't mad that dinner won't be ready when he gets in.

Time went by. Dinner still wasn't ready. I decided to light some candles and turn on some music. I hummed to myself and swayed my hips back and forth while sipping on my glass of wine.

Five minutes later, there were footsteps outside of the apartment and Jacob walked in. He threw his coat on the ground and slammed the door behind him.

"How was work?" I asked him sweetly.

He looked up at me. "It was fine. Is dinner ready yet?"

"No. Not yet. Just give me another ten minutes."

Jacob narrowed his eyes. "You had all this time today to make dinner and it's not even ready?" He walked closer to me.

"I-I'm sorry…"

He was in front of me now. His hands were on either side of my face, his face inches away from mine. I looked up at him hopelessly. His breath smelt like cigarettes and booze. He didn't say anything. He just looked at me then grabbed my chin with his massive hand and forced my lips to his. His kisses were rough and lustful, almost like an animal.

I didn't fight him. I stood there like a doll and let him do as he pleased.

"Jacob, not now." I said when he gripped the hem of my dress.

"Why not?"

"Because we have to eat dinner. It's going to burn. I thought you were hungry?"

"I _am_ hungry." Jacob smirked.

I pushed him away from me. "Seriously, cut it out."

He studied my face for a moment. "What the hell happened to your head?"

I tried to think of some silly story that would work. I fell down the stairs? Or whacked my head on the window? "Oh. I was hanging up some clothes and I hit my head against the door."

"You did laundry yesterday."

"I did more today."

Jacob nodded his head and walked towards our bedroom. I followed him like a lost puppy. He yanked the closet door open and looked at all the clothes, looking for any changes in the past twenty four hours. His eyes scanned the rack, then down to the floor… the shoes. He picked up the shoes I had been wearing earlier today.

"These are wet."

"That's because I put them in the washing machine and they did -

He threw them to the ground and grabbed my wrists. "Stop lying to me. Where the hell were you?" He demanded.

"Jacob, ow -"

"Where were you?!" Jacob raised his voice at me.

"I… I was…" My voice was soft, and barely even audible to myself. Tears burned at the edge of my eyes because I knew what was about to happen. "I was with… Edward."

His grip on my wrists tightened. I could feel his nails digging into my skin and my bones growing weaker as he grew stronger. He pulled me against him, my arms acting as the barrier between our chests.

"Why were you with him?!" He spat at me. "Am I not good enough for you?"

"No, Jacob, please - "

"You stupid bitch! Why don't you listen to me? I told you not to see him. I told you not to leave this apartment!"

"But he's my friend!"

Jacob leaned in. His eyes were inches from mine and our noses were touching. "When will you learn that _I_ _don't care_?!"

He spun me around and pushed me so hard my head slammed against the wall. I winced and my head immediately stung and throbbed. I could feel the beating of my heart in my ears. He gripped my shoulders now and slammed me against the wall again. He did it so hard this time that I fell in a heap onto the floor.

He didn't say anything else. He left, slamming the doors behind him.

I put my hand against the back of my head to make sure that it wasn't bleeding. It wasn't, so I just sat there on the floor. I lay on my side and stared underneath the bed.

He doesn't let me do anything. He doesn't let me go anywhere. He doesn't let me have friends.

Twenty minutes past. I could smell the burning food in the kitchen. I picked myself off the floor and looked in the mirror. My eyeliner was running down my face and my lipstick was smudged onto my chin. I was a wreck.

"Forget it." I whispered and went to rescue what was left of dinner.

I got myself a plate of hard spaghetti with burnt sauce but I left the wine alone. I didn't feel like having a drink anymore.

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**I hope that you enjoyed chapter one of my new story. I've been working on it with my beta, LaLa94 Twilight. It's my first story with a beta, and it's really exciting to have someone to help me out. Please review and let me know what you think. I hope you're having a fantastic New Year!**

**Xoxo,  
Halley**


	2. Lovesick Fool

**Thanks for all of the reviews on the last chapter. Ten so far. I think that's a pretty good start. I hope that you like this chapter as much as you said you liked the first!**

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_Holding the cigarette between my fingers and inhaling the hot smoke burned my throat in comparison to the wintry night. I pulled it away from my mouth and coughed - something I never do. _

_When it happened again, I threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it. I stumbled at the power of my stomp and nearly fell to the ground. "Damn cigarette," I mumbled and vowed never to take a cigarette from someone I didn't know. This one was shit._

_I stood there quietly for a few moments, then looked up and smiled at the stars twinkling in the city's night sky. The last time I saw the stars was when I visited my grandmother in the stupid, small town of Forks. I hate that place. There's nothing to do but count the trees._

"_How pretty." I laughed to myself and looked up at the dark, empty sky again._

"_Bella." Someone said behind me and I spun around to face them, stumbling yet again over my own two feet. _

"_Who's there?" I asked. I could make out the silhouette of a figure, but I couldn't see them. They were hiding from me. "Edddwwarrrddd stop hiding. It's not funnnnnyyyy." _

"_Yeah, uh, it's me. Edward." He cleared his throat before he continued. "Come here, Bella." Edward said and I slowly walked over to him. He put his arm around me and helped me walk, taking me away from the pretty, shining stars…_

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_BPOV_

Cold, wet, and slushy - snow. While I'm not a fan of cold weather, I've always found a certain beauty about it. There's something about the way Seattle looks when it's just snowed. The rooftops glisten and sparkle in an indescribable way. People hurry down the streets while a flurry of gorgeous snowflakes blow against their faces - red nose, wet eyes, and all. But, the best part about snow is the simplicity and serenity it brings.

I find it funny how only days ago it was warm and sunny and now the snow has come our way. I laughed at that while I sat by the fire with a book, _The History of Love_, in my hands.

Jacob had left for work earlier this morning and I was all alone in the apartment. Partially alone at least, my phone was pressed against my ear and I was talking as I read.

"Reading another book then?" Edward asked me, his soft voice full of laughs when I told him what I was doing.

"This one is _really_ good though."

"You say that about every book." He pointed out. I could almost see him smiling and picture him pressing his long finger against my nose in a teasing manner.

"Really. It is. Here." I flipped a few pages back and began reading. This is something that Edward and I do a lot. He'll call me up while I just so happen to be reading a book and I'll somehow end up reading a passage to him. Though, sometimes I do this by myself. I find a strange pleasure in walking around my empty flat and reading aloud to myself.

"_Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering. When they were ten he asked her to marry him. When they were eleven he kissed her for the first time. When they were thirteen they got into a fight and for three weeks they didn't talk. When they were fifteen she showed him the scar on her left breast. Their love was a secret they told no one. He promised her he would never love another girl as long as he lived. "What if I die?" she asked. "Even then," he said. For her sixteenth birthday, he gave her an English dictionary and together they learned the words. "What's this?" he'd ask, tracing his index finger around her ankle and she'd look it up. "And this?" he'd ask, kissing her elbow. "Elbow! What kind of word is that?" and then he'd lick it, making her giggle. "What about this," he asked, touching the soft skin behind her ear. "I don't know," she said, turning off the flashlight and rolling over, with a sigh, onto her back. When they were seventeen they made love for the first time, on a bed of straw in a shed. Later-when things happened that they could never have imagined-she wrote him a letter that said: When will you learn that there isn't a word for everything?"_

Edward was silent for a moment. It was as though he was waiting for me to continue. When it was clear that I had finished, he cleared his throat. "That was nice."

Nice was an understatement. "Her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering" - that line was genius. Why could I not have thought about that? But I agreed with him and said that, yes, it was _nice_.

"What are you doing today?" Edward asked me.

"Cleaning around the house." I answered with a sigh. Jacob had fussed about it before he left this morning saying that the place looked like a 'pig sty', even though I had spent all day yesterday cleaning it up.

"I can help with that."

"You don't have to do that." I tried to think of an excuse as to why he couldn't come over, even though I wanted him to. "Don't you have a psychology test to study for anyway?"

He paused for a moment. "You can help with that."

I looked over at the clock. There was still another six hours until he would be home. That would surely be enough time. Wouldn't it? "Alright." I said in defeat. "Come on over. But be ready to clean."

After we hung up, I walked into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. There was no need for Edward to see me in a nightgown. I also twisted my hair into a messy bun and pulled some fuzzy socks onto my bare feet.

The apartment is cold, but I'm not allowed to turn on the heater. Bundling up is the only way for me to stay warm.

Fifteen minutes later there was a small knock on the door. I ran over, being careful not to slide on the hardwood floor and threw the door open. Edward was standing on the other side with his hands shoved into the pockets of his black jacket.

I smiled and let him in.

"Wow." He said, running his hand against the squeaky clean counter top. "How disgusting." He retorted sarcastically.

"I, um, already started." I lied. _Please don't ask anymore questions. _"And it wasn't even that dirty to start with, I just thought that I would - "

"Bella." Edward gasped and leaned in to look at me. His fingers lightly brushed against the purple bruise on the side of my face. "_What happened to your head_?" His voice was a painful whisper.

"Edward, it's nothing." I looked away from him.

"Isabella." He stated firmly.

"It's from when you hit me in the head with your door. Remember?" I huffed. He tilted his head, and brushed his finger against the faded bruise on top of my forehead, then touched the other one again… the real bruise. I squeezed my eyes shut. He's too smart to fall for my tricks. "I… fell."

He lightly grabbed my hands and held them close to his. "I know that you didn't fall, Bella. Will you please just tell me what happened?" He asked me in desperation.

"I said it was nothing." I pulled my hands away from him. "Have you seen the broom anywhere?" I looked around the kitchen until I found it and started sweeping the spotless floor.

"Bella… stop doing this."

"Doing what?" I asked innocently.

"This!" Edward walked over to me and took the broom. "I know that you didn't just fall. Okay? I know that you want to get a job, but for some reason you won't. Instead you lock yourself up in here. And you hate cleaning. Why are you cleaning something that's already clean?" He looked at me in the eye. "You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me."

I took a deep breath and hot tears were suddenly falling from my eyes. I wiped them on the sleeve of my shirt and shook my head. "Can I have the broom back please?" I whispered.

He stared at me for a moment. There was a sudden roughness in his eyes and aggression was clear on his face. I had seen that look before - just not on him. I took a step back and pressed myself against the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry!" I found myself crying.

Edward's expression suddenly changed. It softened. He took a step towards me and touched my arm gently. "Bella, I'm not going to hurt you."

I didn't say anything. I snapped out of my instinctive protection mode and grabbed the broom from him. Again, I didn't say a word. I simply swept and hummed to myself. Edward didn't make a comment, either. He grabbed a washcloth and started cleaning the countertops.

It only took us half an hour to "clean" the already spotless house. When we were done, we sat on the couch and I started quizzing him for his psychology test. Half of the stuff on here I had never even heard of. Cognitive approach, humanistic theory, classic conditioning… it was like a foreign language to me.

I made myself another cup of tea while I quizzed him, my eyes ever so often drifting to the falling snow outside. The blinds were closed over the windows, but I could see the snowflakes through a crack. Edward seemed to notice my distracted state of mind and closed the textbook that rested in my hand. He put it back in his bag and took me over to the window and yanked the curtains and blind back.

It was beautiful, just as beautiful as I had described it to myself in my head. I pressed my nose against the window and it fogged up. I wiped it with my sleeve and stared out at the city below. It was lovely.

"Snow falling soundlessly in the middle of the night will always fill my heart with sweet clarity…" I recited from memory as the snowflakes continued to whirl.

"Where'd you hear that?"

I shrugged. "I read it somewhere."

Edward chuckled. "You're such a bookworm."

Isn't that what they always say? I looked over at the time. It was nearing four now. That meant that it was time for me to get rid of Edward and start on dinner. I did not want another repeat of two nights ago.

"Well, I have to start on dinner now."

"I can help you with that too."

"Edward…" I sighed. "Go… take care of your dog."

"I don't have a dog. I have a fish named Dog." He corrected me. Edward has always wanted a dog, but most apartments don't allow that. So, for his birthday I got him a fish and named it Dog. It was meant to be a joke, but he went along with the whole thing.

"Okay, then go take care of your fish."

"Alright," He got the message and started packing up all of his stuff. As he packed, he talked to me like we had forever with each other. If only.

I walked him to the door and stood in between the door and outside.

"Bella, if you ever need anything, just tell me. I'm always here." He said.

His words were so truthful that my heart smiled. "Thank you, Edward. I'll see you later."

I closed the door and locked it behind me. I spent the next fifteen minutes setting the apartment up the way it was before Edward came over. I closed the blinds and put the curtains back. I cleaned the coffee cups we used and fixed all the pillows. I even changed what I was wearing and then started on dinner.

Outside it was cold. When it's cold like this I almost always make soup. I scanned through the pantry and pulled out a can of creamy tomato soup. While it cooked on the stove I baked some bread and poured a glass of wine for Jacob.

I had just finished cooking when he walked in, covered in snow. I quickly poured him a bowl of soup and put it on the table.

"How was work, sweetheart?" I added the last part because he liked it when I called him that.

"Long… cold." He shook the snow off of his hair. "But I'm ready to eat."

"Well, you're in luck. Dinner is ready."

Jacob threw his coat on the ground and walked over to the table and immediately started eating. I ripped a piece of bread off and chewed it slowly. My stomach was growling. I realized that I had forgotten to eat lunch.

I grabbed my book from the middle of the table and read while I ate.

He sighed heavily. "I just got home from a long day at work and you're going to read? You had all day to do that."

"I-I… I'm sorry." I closed the book and put it away. "I'm done."

Jacob nodded his head and poured another glass of wine for me. He pushed it over to me and held his up. I smiled weakly and clinked my glass against his.

Here's to us - the _happiest _couple on Earth.

* * *

**Just hold on with me for a few chapters - I have to get all of this background information in before I get to the main plot (which isn't made apparent in the description because I want to keep it a secret). But... r****eview, and have a nice day. (:**

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


	3. Remembering

**Hello, lovelies! It's a snow day for me today, so I thought I would upload chapter three. I really hope that you guys enjoy it. **

* * *

_BPOV  
_

_I know that you didn__'__t just fall… I know that you want to get a job… You can fool everyone else, but you can__'__t fool me_… His words echoed through my mind like a broken record as I went to sleep that night, well tried to at least. The clock read three in the morning and I had yet to fall asleep.

_I__'__m not going to hurt you. _Is he onto me? I do a fairly good job at hiding everything from people, aside from the little slip up with the bruise on my head. Ordinarily that would have been covered up. But, then again, this _is_ Edward we're talking about - he catches onto things more quickly then I can even keep up with.

I looked over at Jacob. He was laying on his stomach, his bare back exposed to the dark-room; his face buried into the white pillows. My eyes filled with hate and disgust just by looking at him.

An all too familiar feeling spread through my chest and I silently leaped out of bed and crept into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and flung the medicine cabinet open. My fingers fumbled over the razors and lotions until I found what I was looking for: anxiety pills.

Anxiety attacks have been torturing me ever since I was eighteen. Terrible nightmares haunt me at night and when I worry about something, the attacks hit me like an avalanche.

I popped open the lip and put a pill on my tongue. I swallowed it dry. After three years of taking these little devils, I've learned to take them like a big girl.

I splashed some cold water on my face and paced slowly through the small bathroom while I waited for the medication to kick in. It took a good fifteen minutes for my breathing to slow down. Once it did, I wandered out of the bathroom and to my desk.

Writing comes a lot easier to me at night. After all, that's when the city is asleep and everything is as raw as it can possibly get. That's when my mind is wired and my creativity is at its peak.

I ripped a piece of paper out of my spiral bound book and scribbled my favorite black gel pen in the margin to make sure that it still worked. I closed my eyes and let the first line that came to mind hit the page:

_There is nostalgia for the memories I thought we had. The moments I thought were ours. The moments when we ruled the world. When I was your Queen and you were the King, a prince and a princess. Two kids in love. Thinking about those moments brings back an avalanche of memories - heartbreak, lust, ache -, and a flashback of everything. _

_You used to be good. Nice. Pure__, __even. __When one day that all changed__. There was a sudden darkness in your eyes - one that I had never seen before. It__'__s something that I__'__ll __never__ understand. Everything was suddenly different about you. It was like an entirely different person had taken the place of my angel. The way you spoke to me, the way you walked, even the way you looked at me was different. But most importantly, it was the way that you made me feel. I no longer feel like myself with you. _

_Something about that made me want more. The mystery. The rebellion. The darkness. It pulled me into a world I had never been __in __before. One that scarred my innocent eyes. My King, my angel__… __turned out to be the devil. _

A single tear dropped from my eye and onto the paper, landing with such a splash in the eerie darkness, that it scared me. I dropped my pen onto the desk and wiped my eyes with the back of my hands.

What was that?

That was an entirely different kind of writing. It sounded like a confession - and felt like one too. I stared down at my foreign words… words I refused to believe had come from my mind.

I folded up the piece of paper and slipped it into the pocket of my coat that was draped over the chair. He wouldn't find it there. My emotional rampage, or maybe the medicine, had worn me out, and sleep was overcoming my fragile body. I walked back into the bedroom and curled up under what blankets Jacob had not yet stolen from me.

Because it was Sunday, Jacob didn't have work. Therefore, I'm here with him all day which in my mind, is not necessarily a good thing. It leaves more chances for me to mess up, another opportunity for him to get mad at me and the possibility of yet another scar.

I didn't sleep well. I drifted in and out. And when I did find sleep, I could feel all of my surroundings. The cold bedroom, the blankets pulling pulled from underneath me. Then a change - warm hands on my hips and hot breath against my neck. I pretended to be asleep.

"I know you're awake." He breathed.

"I know." I said with a sigh.

Jacob kissed the nape of my neck and ran his hands in small circles around my stomach. Despite the exhaustion that washed over me, I let him do as he pleased. Not just because he was warm against my cold skin but because I know he'll get mad if I tell him to stop.

He turned me around so I was facing him and pressed his rough lips against mine. I tangled my fingers through his hair and wrapped my leg around his waist, pulling myself on top of him in one swift maneuver. I leaned down and buried my face into his chest and forced a smile onto my chapped lips. His hands moved onto my back and he pulled me closer to him - so close that I could hear the erratic beating of his heart.

We continued like this for a while. I laughed when I was supposed to laugh, moaned when I needed to and whispered all the things that he likes to hear in his ear, simply because he likes it when I do.

An hour later, he was asleep again. I envied him for that. Five o'clock is what the clock was flashing back at me when I looked at it for what seemed the hundredth time that night. I decided that it was time for me to get out of bed. I picked up my clothes off of the floor and silently pulled them back on before I tip-toed into the living room.

The newspaper isn't delivered on Sunday, so I have no paper to read. I still boiled my usual cup of herbal tea but while I drank it, I returned to what I had written earlier this morning rather than checking the paper online like I sometimes do on Sundays.

I tapped my pencil against my teeth while a million words ran through my mind. Treacherous, sinful, tumultuous, dangerous, tragic, beautiful… I etched the simple words on the margin of the paper.

I began to wonder: how do things suddenly go from so wonderful to so horrible? What happens to those warm conversations and sweet love - the feelings… the memories… the infatuation. It's like a car driving down an empty street that suddenly hit's a wall and falls apart. And it's painful and awful and yet, it's still something that you would never take back. You live with the pain.

"We accept the love we think we deserve" - that much I know. But I don't know _why_. Absentmindedly, I picked up my camera that sat on the desk and scrolled through the pictures. I looked at pictures of him and admired how happy he looked. His rain-darkened hair popped in comparison to his pale skin, but his eyes shined brighter than the stars that I never get to see. I touched the screen - his face - and looked at him, almost as though he would speak back.

"What are you doing?" Came his gruff voice.

I immediately dropped the camera into my lap and pushed the papers into the far corner of the desk. "Jesus. You scared the hell out of me." I laughed uneasily.

Jacob raised one eyebrow and stood behind me. "Can I read what you're working on?"

"Not yet." I turned around and put my hand atop of his. "It's not done yet."

"So?" He asked and wandered into the kitchen to pour himself his first cup of coffee for the morning. My nose wrinkled at the smell of it heating up in the percolator "I don't care if it's not finished yet. I like reading your stuff."

"This one's not… good." I said, even though I did think it was good. The piece is deep and it bleeds with emotion. Not that anyone will ever see the rawness of it. I rarely show people what I write - most of it is far too personal.

Jacob took a sip from his coffee cup then placed it on my wooden desk, just inches away from another poem I had written weeks ago. One of these days, I need to get around to organizing it. All of the drawers are stuffed with papers that I'll never look at again, or old stories that I wrote back when I was nineteen. For some reason I just can't bring myself to get rid of them. It's nice to look back and see what I thought about life at a certain age.

At twenty, I was infatuated with the mysterious question of "what if", and at twenty-one, I went through what I call "the hippie stage". Everything I wrote had something to do with the world and environment and _feelings_. A year from now I'll be able to add what twenty-two was like to the list.

"Come on. Let me read it." He pressed.

"But - " As I spoke, he leaned forward and grabbed the papers that I had shoved into the deep corners of my desk and began to read. I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, praying that what he wouldn't put the pieces together.

I could hear him muttering while he read. "Heartbreak, lust, ache…" He said quietly. "….scarred my innocent eyes…. turned out to be the devil…" His voice faded at the end. "Huh. Not too bad."

Relief instantly washed over me and I found myself thanking god that he hadn't figured out that what he was reading was about him. I looked up and smiled. "Thanks."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the chair. His hands snuck their way around my waist and he looked down at me with a happy gleam in his dark brown eyes. "I was thinking that we could go out for a lunch today."

I was a little surprised. Jacob never takes me anywhere. He doesn't like spending money on me, and almost always insists on me sitting there for hours to sort through coupon after coupon. I smiled a little bit at his spontaneity. "Really?"

He kissed me. "Of course. We'll leave at twelve."

I looked at the clock from the living room. It was only eight - too early for me to start getting ready now. "I'm going to make myself some more tea." I said and wiggled out of his grasp. He followed me into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, watching carefully as I made my drink.

"Why do you drink that?"

I laughed at his bluntness. "Why do you drink _that_?" I motioned with my head towards the cup of coffee in his hands. "It's so… bitter."

"But that's so sweet."

"It's better to be sweet than bitter." I laughed at my own joke, fully knowing that it was lame.

Jacob finished off his cup and poured himself another just as I was done putting sugar in my tea. When it was apparent that neither of us had anything to say, I hopped onto the computer and opened up the webpage for the _New York Times._

Reading helps pass time for me - even if it's something as simple as a news article. Sometimes the simplicity of one is enough to calm my nerves.

Jake turned on the television and started watching some action movie. I tried my best to block out the sound of the exploding bombs and gunshots, but it wasn't working very well. I felt a headache coming on, so I quickly made myself another cup of tea. When that didn't work, I went into our bedroom and picked up where I had left off on _The History of Love_.

I had just reached the part where Alma and Misha kiss for the first time when Jacob burst through the door. It was a miracle that I didn't hear his booming footsteps echoing down the hallway before he came. He's always so loud.

"We're leaving in an hour." Jake announced.

I looked up from my book. "Oh, alright."

"Shouldn't you start getting ready?"

"Well, I was just going to pull on a pair of jeans and throw my hair up. I didn't think that we were going anywhere special."

He sighed. "I thought you could wear one of those pretty black dresses you have."

"_Out to lunch_?"

Jacob walked over to the closet and opened it. His eyes flickered back and forth, until he finally pushed back all of my t-shirts and pulled out the first dress in the row. It was a black dress that fell to about mid-thigh with small ruffles layering the bottom, and short sleeveed, with an neckline that plunged deeper than a dress ever should.

"This one isn't too bad."

"I really don't want to…"

He threw it at me and the dress fell on the bed. He walked out of the room without another word. I sat there, upset. The happy vibes that he had earlier had obviously faded and I was left with his usual, sour mood.

I put my book into my purse (in case I wanted to read at the restaurant) and started getting ready to go out for lunch. Before I so much as looked at the dress, I put a snowy tank top on to help hide what little cleavage I had to show.

I pulled the little black dress over my head. The waist wasn't as tight as I had remembered it being just months ago. Maybe I had lost weight after all. Once the dress was on, I ran a brush through my thick, dark brown hair and wiped a little red lipstick onto my lips.

By the time I had finished getting ready, Jacob was still getting dressed - which I found to be a little ironic. I read while I waited.

"Come on. Let's go." Jacob said, interrupting me from my reading. I looked up at him. He was wearing a simple football jersey with khaki pants. It angered me that he expected me to get dolled up when _he_ didn't have to put any effort into himself.

I put the book back into my purse without him noticing and followed him outside. He hopped into his Volkswagen and I carefully sat in the passenger's seat. He immediately turned up the music - some annoying and overplayed song on the radio - so loud that I could barely hear myself think. I leaned my head against the cold window and watched as we drove through the dreary streets of Seattle.

Jacob and I didn't speak the entire car ride. And once we were at the restaurant, he jumped out of the car and ran inside. I rolled my eyes at his immaturity and trailed shortly behind. He was already standing amongst his group of friends, all of their eyes glued to the life sized television screens.

_This _was why he wanted to go out for lunch. So that he could watch the football game with his friends. He wasn't even doing it to be sweet. He brought me here to be some kind of toy to show off to his entire group of friend's.

I clenched my hands into fists by my side and gritted my teeth.

The waitress suddenly came our way and showed our large party to a booth. I slid into the middle, Jacob on my right and one of his friends from work on my left. They immediately asked for beer and ordered a ton of wings.

He didn't look at me - hell, he didn't even acknowledgment my existence. I shook my head and pulled my phone out of my pocket. The tiny green light was flashing in the upper left corner of the screen, which meant that I had a new message. I checked it.

_What are you doing tomorrow?  
_

I glanced over at Jacob, who didn't look like he would be looking over at me anytime soon. My fingers flew across the keyboard.

_Absolutely nothing. Why? What were you thinking?  
_

_It__'__d be nice if you could help me study for my psychology test tomorrow morning? I__'__m going to fail without your studying-expertise. ;) _My cheeks burned bright red and I don't know why. It felt wrong for me to feel the sudden warmth that spread through my body at that moment. But it also couldn't have felt more right.

_Haha. Alright then. Is nine okay with you? I__'__ll make breakfast__,__ and I__'__ll help you study. _His response came as soon as I sent the last. _See you then, Bella. _I sent him back a little smiling face and the conversation was dead. I ran my hands through my hair and sighed heavily, watching in disgust as Jacob chugged down another beer. It wasn't even one in the afternoon yet.

I tried to get into the game but nobody had ever taken the time to explain football to me. I took a sip of my ice cold water and opened my book and set it down on my lap. Even though it was loud and it was next to impossible to focus, I immersed myself in the words to help pass the time.

And before I knew it, the game was over and Jacob was nagging me that it was time to leave. I slid the book that I had almost finished back into my purse and stood up. I stretched my back before we started back to the car.

"Did you have fun?" I asked him on the way back home.

"Yeah." He said.

"You should hang out with your friends more. You never do." I encouraged.

"I guess."

I sighed and sat up straight. "I'm trying to have a conversation with you. I'd really appreciate it if you would at least try to speak to me." My eyes rolled into the back of my head for the second time. "I mean, you didn't say a single word to me the entire time we were at the restaurant."

"Well, sorry." He spat at me. "Football was a little more important at the time."

"Oh, so a football game is more important to you than I am now?"

"Yeah, actually. Sometimes it is."

"I can't believe you said that. You're such a jack ass."

Jacob turned to me and grabbed my wrists, by this time we were outside of the apartment. His hands were tight like a handcuff around me. My body went rigid and I stared at him with hard eyes, trying to hide the fear behind the poker face.

"Shut the hell up." Jacob said harshly. He held onto my wrists for what seemed like forever and I stared back at him. Our eyes were locked with intensity until I finally pulled away from him and stormed out of the car and up our apartment. His heavy footsteps were hot on my tail and I could sense the anger steaming off of him.

He shut the door behind him and turned the lock. I closed my eyes and braced myself.

Jacob grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around so I was facing him. I took a step back but his hands gripped my jaw and he forced my lips against his. I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed him off. He stood there, shocked that I had stood up for myself and I slapped my hand across his cheek. He hit me right back, so hard that I stumbled backwards. In my moment of disparity, he grabbed me and forced himself on me.

I pushed and screamed, and cried. Memories that I tried my hardest to forget filled my head and I tried my best to get him off of me… I bit his lip, I kicked him, I spit in his face. It did no good.

When he was done, he left me there on the couch. Fresh bruises ran up and down my thighs, even some scratches on my arms. My tearstained cheeks burned as more tears ran down. I breathed slowly and tried to regain my sanity.

I played it back in my mind and, suddenly, that night had never been more vivid in my mind.

* * *

_I screamed in the dark alley that he led me too. Had I really been foolish enough to believe him - that he was really Edward? That the cigarette I took from the strange man was safe? It was too late, now I realized, as he pushed me against the brick wall and kissed me roughly. His breath smelt like smoke; his lips tasted like booze._

_He slammed my head against the brick wall to silence my cries for help, and for him to stop. I let out a choked cry and tried to breathe, but I couldn't get a breath in._

_My feeble attempts to push him away were useless. I was drugged up from the cigarettes and too weak to fight. He was so much stronger than me. He hurt me when I tried to stop him._

_I gave up. It wasn't worth it to me anymore, there was no point - I wasn't going to win against him - I lay like a lifeless doll while he worked on my clothes. Tears ran down my face when I realized that he was taking something from me that I could never get back. It wasn't like a necklace or a ring - it was a part of me._

_He didn't say another word. When he was done, he was kind enough to give me my clothes back like the gentleman he was. He looked at me once more and smiled. "You should get your head looked at." He winked and then he stormed off, his black boots echoing like a robber in the silent night. My eyelids felt heavy as I watched him until he disappeared while I lay on the cold ground..._

_I breathed heavily. My head pounded against my skull as I lay there for what seemed like forever. Chapped lips, chattering teeth and an ache running all over my body. I stared up into the dark sky and tried to see the light… but there was nothing. There were no stars, no street lights - nothing._

_"Bella?" Someone called out from far away. I closed my eyes. I didn't have the energy to respond to the velvet, angelic voice even if I had wanted too. Everything hurt too much. The voice continued to echo my name like a clock tolling through the empty alley. The voice called my name - then a gasp escaped from his lips and his footsteps ran towards me as he screamed my name._

_His warm hands pressed against my body and I jumped at his touch. My eyes shot open and my hands instinctively wrapped around my chest. I scooted away from him and hid in the darkness of the corner, trying to shield myself. He stood up and held his hands in the air, as though surrendering. Trying not to frighten me, perhaps?_

_"Bella… what happened?"_

_I stared at him with wide eyes and brought my knees against my chest, my arms around my knees. My fingers slid into the massive holes in my jeans, and what was left of my shirt. My clothes were torn to shreds._

_"Please…" He said, and took a small step towards me. I shivered in the dark and he shrugged out of his jacket, handing it to me. I took it with shaking hands and slowly pulled it on over my bruised arms. "You need to tell me what happened…" He was kneeling down, two feet away from me._

_I didn't want to tell him._

_"What do you remember?" He asked me after a long while._

_"I… I went outside because it was loud… and I was smoking…."_

_"I thought you threw away all your cigarettes."_

_"I-I… I did…"_

_"Then where did you get it from?"_

_The moment the words came from his mouth, a montage of moments flashed through my mind. The cigarette the man gave me - then the man who took me away after… I now realized this was the same man. He led me away from the light and down into the dark alley. He threw me up against the wall. His hands restrained my weak arms and his lips silenced my own. I had tried to scream. I had tried to fight. Even through the drugs he had given me - I fought. I refused to let him take away what was mine._

_As it slowly came back to me again, I pushed myself even further back into the corner and screamed, until my scream broke off into an uneven sob.  
_

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**The main plot line is about to unfold! I really hope that you enjoyed this. It'd be nice if you could review for me? **

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


	4. Everything After

**Thank you so much for all of the feedback on the last chapter, and I'm sorry it's been taking me so long to update. This story is a little more complex than my others. But, I do hope that you're liking it so far!  
**

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_BPOV_

At exactly nine o'clock, there was a familiar tap on the front door. I jumped up from my spot on the couch and pulled the door open. Edward was standing there. He wore a pair of black, thick rimmed glasses and an adorable blue sweater.

"I love the glasses." I teased as he walked in.

"Of course you do." He winked. "My contacts were just irritating me this morning. I didn't feel like dealing with them."

"Understandable." I said and plopped myself back onto the couch.

Edward took a seat next to me and began rummaging through his school bag. He pulled out his multiple psychology textbooks, found the one he needed, and flipped it open to a page towards the back of the book.

"What are we studying today?"

"Narcissism." He told me. "Pretty easy, but I still want to be prepared for the test."

I nodded and took the book from him. In big, bold letters the chapter title read _Narcissism_. Of course I had heard about the disorder but I'd never gone into much depth with it. And as I quizzed Edward on the material, I ended up learning a lot about it.

"They're self-absorbed." Edward explained. "A narcissist never shows empathy for other people. They're always right, because in their mind, they're perfect. A narcissist is manipulative and they want attention all the time." He looked straight at me. "They can become violent."

I looked back at him and shook my head slowly.

"Bella - "

I shut the book and put it on the coffee table in front of us. "So, now what do you need help studying with?"

Edward didn't let me change the subject this time. He turned towards me and grabbed my hands tightly. I looked down at the floor for a minute before I met his gaze. He didn't say anything. He didn't even do anything. He just sat there, staring at me with the most pained expression I had ever seen.

"You can tell me anything." He whispered.

I looked back down at the floor.

His hand went to me face and his fingers brushed from my ear to my chin, delicately gliding along my cheek bone. My eyes flickered back up to his and he smiled a little. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying and without even thinking I threw my arms around his neck.

Edward seemed taken aback. It took him a minute to process what I was doing. But once he had, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close, rocking me back and forth, soothingly. I could feel his heart beating against my chest and his breath swirling in my ear. I closed my eyes.

"Edward…" I began shakily.

"Yes?"

"There _is _something I want to tell you." I took no time in waiting for him to respond. I threw myself into the explanation while I still had the nerve to. The words felt foreign on my tongue. I had never told anyone this before. "Jacob is - "Footsteps echoed outside and the doorknob jiggled quietly. _Jacob is here, Jacob is here. Shit! What is he doing home? _Before I had time to react to what was happening, the door flung open. I pulled away from Edward and sat on the opposite end of the couch in absolute horror.

Jacob's eyes went from mine, to his. He locked eyes with Edward and quietly shut the door behind him. He walked towards us, anger flowing with each step he took. I braced myself.

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing?" He snapped. Edward stood up from the couch and glared at Jacob.

"I think the question should be, what the hell are you doing to her?"

Jacob looked at me, and then back over to Edward. "That's none of your fucking business." He seethed.

"To hell with that!" Edward yelled, stepping closer to Jake. "I'm not going to let you push her around!"

Jacob had clearly had enough. He looked at Edward for a moment longer before he punched him square in the face. Edward stumbled backwards and held his hand to his face. When he pulled his hand away, I saw red trickling down his nose and a puddle of blood in his hand. There was a huge crack in the lens of his glasses.

I jumped up from my seat and pulled on Jacob's arm. "Jacob, stop it!" I pleaded with him. "Please, leave him alone. Hit me, not him." I begged.

His arm pressed firm against my chest and I fell backwards onto the couch from the brunt of Jacob's push.

"Get the hell out of my house." Jacob snarled at Edward.

"No."

"Get out, or I swear to God, you will never see her again." Jacob threatened, moving towards Edward, trying to get in his face.

Edward looked just as stunned as I did. He bit his lip (as if trying to keep his cool) and took a step back from Jacob. As he walked, he looked at me. His expression was apologetic and worrisome. And while I never told him what was going on, he knew. He knew what was going to happen to me.

I looked at Edward for possibly the last time and somehow managed to muster a smile onto my face. I want him to remember me like I always was with him - happy.

The door closed softly behind him. As soon as it did, Jake stormed over to me and pinned me down on the couch. I fought against him at first, but his nails dug deep into my skin and he held me there tighter.

"Why was he in my apartment?" He growled, holding my face in his sweaty hands.

"I was helping him study." I breathed.

"I told you to stay away from him."

I took advantage of his fingers by my mouth and bit down, hard. He yelped and pulled his hands away from me. When he did, I jumped up and bolted for the door. I was just about to yank it open and flee, when he came up behind me and pulled me away, causing me to fall to the floor.

"Jacob, stop!" I screamed and trembled in fear.

"It hurts me when you hang out with him Bella." He said. "I'm just showing you how _much_ it hurts."

"Go to hell." I spat at him and his lies. "That's where you belong - down with the fucking devil in the fiery pits of hell."

_My King, my angel… turned out to be the devil. _

And it clicked. It finally occurred to him that all of the poetry I had written over these past four years was about him. About all the shit he had put me through. The pain I've been through. The darkness in him. The darkness that I see in him.

His breathing deepened and his hands clenched into fists.

I scrambled up from the floor and faced him. I was finally standing up for myself. And I liked how it felt.

Jacob surprised me. He didn't lunge for me and pound his fists into my face and body like I was expecting him to. He smirked at me and walked over to the only place I felt safe. My desk - my writing desk.

"No, no, no, no." I repeated and ran over to him. But it was too late. He was grabbing handfuls of paper and ripping them into thousands of pieces. I screamed at him to stop. Every time I got in the way, he pushed me back.

Everything was gone. _Everything_!

I grabbed my camera while he was ripping my writing into shreds and _ran. _My feet flew faster than they ever had. I opened the door and slammed it shut. My feet didn't stop. I ran down the stairs, tripping over a few steps, tears streaming down my face the entire time.

He was standing outside the apartment complex like he was waiting for me. My breathing came out in deep heaves as I stumbled towards him and fell into his arms. He held me tightly. He held me like he never wanted to let go. And after all this time, that's all I've ever wanted. Someone to _love_ me.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry." I sobbed into his chest.

"It's okay. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore." He soothed me, rubbing his hands up and down my back.

"Yes, he will. He's going to come back for me."

"I called the police, Bella. He's not going to come back for you for a very, very long time. You don't have to wo - "

"You did _what_?!"

He pulled back from the hug and looked at me in alarm. "What's wrong?"

"You can't do that! Why in the hell would you do that?!"

"Bella, he threatened you. He tried to hurt you. He can't get away with that!"

I could hear the sirens now. They were echoing through the busy streets. The red and blue lights were bright against the foggy, Seattle air. I looked up at the apartment and burst into tears.

"Jacob…" I cried and fell down on the ground with my arms wrapped around my chest. I couldn't breathe. Everything was too surreal. _This can__'__t be happening_. I screamed to myself. _This can__'__t be happening. _

Edward's hand was suddenly on my back. I was gasping for air.

It was like… slow motion. I couldn't hear myself screaming. I couldn't hear myself crying. All I could feel was the air struggling to get in and out of my throat, and the thoughts pounding around in my mind.

I watched as two cops yanked Jacob from the side door of the apartment. He fought in their strong grasp and yelled in their faces. I screamed his name as felt myself running towards him. Edward grabbed me and pulled me back. I knew it was irrational but I still loved Jacob… _my_ Jacob.

They shoved him into the cop car and they zoomed off down the street. Edward let go of me and I stood on the edge of the busy street with tears streaming down my face.

A woman in uniform walked up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. I didn't respond to her touch. I didn't even look at her. My eyes closed and more tears fell.

"Miss Swan." The woman said. Her hand was still on my shoulder. "My name is Aubrey. I just want to ask you a few questions about everything that's been going on. Is that okay with you?"

I looked at her. She had red hair that fell to her mid-back and strikingly beautiful hazel eyes. She wore a smile on her pale face, and her eyes sparkled with helpfulness. I shrugged my shoulders and stared back at the ground.

"Why don't we go somewhere a little more private?" Aubrey suggested. She looked up at the apartment and bit her lip. "Is there anywhere else we could talk?"

"We can go to my apartment." Edward spoke up. "It's just a few blocks away."

"That's fine with me. And you are…?"

"Her friend. Edward."

"Ah. I see." She ran her hands through her hair before she motioned to the car on her left. "Why don't you both get in? Just tell me where we're going and I'll take us there."

The three of us all piled into her black SUV and she drove smoothly down the street. I stared out the window the entire ride there. Edward tried to comfort me by putting his hand on my thigh but I didn't acknowledge him.

I was in shock that he had gone to the police. I didn't want him to. I was managing just fine with Jacob. He wasn't exactly nice to me, and sometimes he was even a little violent but I know that _my Jacob _is deep down there somewhere. He has to be. Right?

Edward showed Aubrey the way to his apartment and within a matter of minutes we were parked out the front. I managed to open my door and walk silently up to his apartment with my arms crossed over my chest the entire way there.

He knows that I'm mad at him, that much I know. What he's going to do about it… I'm not so sure.

Edward opened up his apartment and excused himself into his room while we invaded his living room. I sat on the couch with my arms wrapped around my knees while Aubrey took a seat on the chair opposite from me. She opened up her notepad and clicked her black ink pen, ready to write down what I have to say.

"Okay, Bella." She said. "First off, nothing said in this room leaves this room. Alright? It's just between you and me."

I nodded.

"When did all of this start?"

I thought back. The first time he hit me was February 14 - exactly one month and fourteen days after I had been raped. Since then, I hadn't been the same. The pink streaks I had in my hair were gone, and I cut most of it off. I never wore makeup. I never spoke to anyone. I rarely left my room. School was the only time I left the comfort of my bed and that's only because my dad forced me to.

Jacob had surprised me with concert tickets to a band I had been raving on about for months. He seemed too happy and excited to take me, but I wasn't. I couldn't make myself go. I didn't have the energy. I didn't have the desire.

_I just don__'__t feel well_. I remember telling him. _You never feel well_. He had retorted. _Well, I__'__m sorry, but my life is just fucked up. Do you really expect me to be happy-go-lucky after what happened? _Then he hit me. Just like that. He dropped the tickets on the floor and slammed his fist against my cheek.

Jacob stormed out and I sat there, thinking that I had deserved that. I had been a bitch to him. Bitches deserved to be hit. So I sat there and took it. It happened again and I let him, because I "deserved it".

"When I was eighteen." I admitted.

"How often did he hit you?"

Whenever I messed up, he hit me. If I did something that he didn't like, he hit me. Even when it was something as simple as forgetting to run the dish washer, or asking him if I could buy myself a new shirt from Forever 21.

I had a nasty bruise on my cheek when I turned on the heater one day. And another on my thigh when I told him I was too tired to have sex. It didn't matter what I wanted. Everything was always about him.

"Not very often. A few times, I guess."

Aubrey looked at me. She knew I was lying. I knew I was lying. But I couldn't bring myself to say the words, _yes, I let my boyfriend of four years beat me and I never told anyone about it_. I kept my big mouth shut. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

"Do you want to press charges?" She finally asked.

"No."

"Bella." Her voice dropped. "Are you sure? I know that you love him, but he's done some nasty things to you. Don't you think he deserves to be pay for what he did?"

My mind flashed through a thousand memories. I didn't want to believe that my angel was gone. It was impossible for me to think that. He used to be so sweet to me. There was nobody better than him. But now… he's not even the same person. He's dark. Hateful. Cruel.

I looked up at her and shook my head. "I don't know."

"I'll give you some time to think over it. How does that sound?" She fumbled through her bag and handed me a creamy white card. It read her name and had a number scrawled across the bottom. I meekly smiled at her and she smiled back. "It was nice meeting you. Give me a call by the end of the week, and let me know what you decide."

And with that she was gone.

Edward came back out into his living room and sat next to me. I felt his eyes on me as I stared blankly at the wall. He was close to me. So close that our hips were softly brushing against each other, barely touching, but touching just enough that I could feel the tickle of him against me. This wasn't the right time to be thinking about how close he was to me and yet, here I am thinking about it.

It took me a while to speak. "Thank you." I finally whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to respond to that. It was a lot to take in."

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm just trying to protect you."

I started crying again. Not necessarily from pain this time, but from the relief. Relief that someone actually cared about me, and whether I lived or not. Knowing that someone I care about actually cares about me too.

Edward wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb. "We're going to end that part of your past for good. You have nothing to worry about."

_My past. _

Those two simple words had such a complicated and complex meaning. My past was something that I prayed to forget. And even with his reassurance, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't seem to forget. There was something - something I wasn't exactly sure what it was - that was holding me back.

As I tried to fall asleep that night, those words stayed with me. They echoed through my mind and drove me crazy. I lay wide awake, my eyes glued to the dark ceiling. There was that awful New Year's Eve night, then Jacob was hitting me. My depression. Everything after. My entire world falling apart.

I sat up in bed and gasped.

_Everything after. _

I felt stupid for letting something as major as that pass my mind. How could something like that slip past me? An event like that is surely something that any one person would remember. In fact, it would burn bright like a shooting star in their memories.

Guilt crept over me for forgetting. So did sadness. Remembering it all is what hurt me the most. Those months were hell on Earth. Nothing could be as worse as the experience that I lived through. And I hated myself for hating something that was supposed to be so magical.

The next day, I sat on the couch with a coffee cup in my hands waiting for Edward to get back from school. All day I contemplated on whether or not I should tell him. At around eleven when I was in the shower, I decided that I should. If we're going to end that part of my past for good, then I have to figure this out. And I can't do it without him.

When he walked through the door, he dropped his backpack on the floor and held up a plastic bag. "I got us some Thai! If you're hungry, that is." He walked over to me and took a seat, placing the bag on the table in front of me. "What's wrong?"

"I want to find him."

He was silent.

"Edward, I really need to find him." I pleaded him with my eyes.

"What brought this on?" He asked me after a long minute.

I turned to him, still holding my cup. "You said that we were going to end that part of my past for good. I can't do that without finding out what happened to her. I know that seems so irrational of me, but… I just have to." I said in one long breath.

He looked at me like I was crazy. Then, his features softened and he put his hand on mine. His fingers curled over my fingers and he nodded slowly. "We'll see what we can do."

That was that. I was going to find my baby.

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**Thank you for reading, and I really hope that you enjoyed it. We're beginning to get to the main plot line here. Bear with me!**


	5. Holy Grounds

**It's been a very long time since I've last updated. I'm so sorry about that. Lately this story has been on my mind nonstop, and when I finally wrote this chapter, it came out perfectly. I'm really proud of it. This chapter also explains the main plot line of the story, and how it will be spent! I hope you enjoy it. (Big shout out to my beta for getting this back to me within forty-eight hours of me sending it to her!).  
**

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_BPOV  
_

Saturday night, Edward and I sat on his couch scrolling through Netflix. I held the remote in my hand and scrolled blankly through all of the movies. He said that we could watch whatever I wanted, but I decided not to torture the poor boy by making him sit through two hours of _The Notebook_. Instead, I went to the action movies and went through the first row.

"I heard _Captain America_ was good." I said.

"So did I."

"Do you want to watch it?"

"Why not?"

I clicked on the movie and waited for it to load. While it loaded, I fidgeted in my seat. Edward's leg was just inches away from mine. In fact, he was so close that I could feel his skin brushing against mine. Neither of us moved away.

The movie started off with a bang - literally. Hundreds of explosions echoed through the surround sound speakers and shook the thin walls of the apartment. I flinched a little and jumped up from my seat to turn the volume down.

When I sat back down, Edward's arm was draped over the back of my side of the couch - probably just stretching his arm out. I wrapped my arms around my chest, and slouched down into my seat for a few moments before I finally found the courage to sit up straight. His arm brushed against my neck, but didn't touch. His knee was bent in my direction and he spoke easily.

"I've always wanted to sky dive." He stated, somewhat out of the blue.

"I think someone would have to push me out. I wouldn't jump on my own." I laughed.

"I'd push you out."

I laughed again. "Thanks _so _much."

He winked at me before he diverted his attention back to the movie, where there was more fighting and action going on.

This has been our routine for the past week. When Aubrey called me again a few days ago, I told her that I wanted to press charges against… _him_. He would come back for me and kill me if he could. My life isn't something that I want to risk, and it was foolish to go along with what he did to me.

But even with him locked up, the thought of staying in that apartment by myself, sent shivers up my spine. Not only are bad memories floating around there, but that's the first place he would look for me. What if he escaped? What if they let him out? The possibilities were endless - late at night is when I calculated every possible notion.

I've been crashing on Edward's couch ever since. He went with me to the apartment to get my stuff (I stiffened when I saw all my writing ripped to shreds on the floor) and then we left. I haven't been back since.

Edward's been so sweet to me. I lounge around his apartment all day while he goes to school. Before and after every of classes he texts me to make sure that I'm okay. He makes dinner most nights and always lets me pick out the movie. He even offered up his bed, but that's where I drew the line.

While he's gone every day I sit alone and watch his fish, Dog. I still remember the day I gave him that fish. My emotions are haywire right now and that's normally when I write, but I can't find the will to right now. I think about all of my work, all the years I spent on it and how I can never get that back. It upsets me to the point where I can't pick up a pen and a piece of paper anymore.

My days are pretty lonely for the most part.

Today, I'm sitting on the couch and letting my mind wander like I normally do. I'm not thinking about Jacob and I'm not even thinking about all the shit he's put me through. I'm thinking four years back and weighing up my options.

Four years ago, I was raped. And four years ago, I had my rapist's baby.

I still remember when they told me. I was sitting in the hospital bed, nodding my head as the doctor spoke to me. Her face had suddenly softened and she sat on the bed and put her hand on my arm, in a soothing gesture. "You're pregnant. I'm so sorry, Bella." She had told me. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I had cried and screamed at her that it was wrong - it had to be wrong. And then she showed me an ultrasound. And there he was… my little baby boy.

My dad understood, but he was distant for the entire pregnancy. My boyfriend was angry, and decide to hit me. The entire school judged me, and laughed, and teased me. But my best friend was always there for me.

I wanted to keep him. I was going to. When he was born, they put him in my arms and I looked down at my prince with pure joy in my eyes. He looked like me. Brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and even the same thin, pink lips!

My father said it was my decision. I signed the birth certificate. His name was Liam - Lim Anthony Swan. We went home that day with little Liam sleeping peacefully in my arms.

He was mine for all of nine months and three days. Then Jake came over. He yelled at me and said that I didn't need a baby. I was too young. This was going to ruin our relationship. He put me down, he put my baby down, and he hit me even more. There's still a scar from that day on my left shoulder. It was then that I decided my baby shouldn't have to live through this abuse, too. If I try to leave Jacob, he'll hurt me. Maybe even Liam. And I couldn't risk that. I just couldn't.

One night, I wrapped Liam up in all of his blankets and put a teddy bear by his side. There was a necklace sewed to the bear's neck with a picture of me inside - a gift from my father. I drove out to the middle of the city and to the first church that I could find. Lights were on inside and I could hear the soft murmur of voices.

I silently crept up to steps and set my dear baby Liam down. He looked up at me with gorgeous brown eyes as if asking where I was going. I leaned down and held him against my chest for a long moment. I kissed his forehead. I hugged him again. Then I knew I had to leave. I stood up, knocked on the door and ran.

It's been four years since then. Now that Jacob is gone, I want my baby back. I at least want to see him. Maybe be a part of his life. I feel terrible about what I did; it was the only thing that made sense to my naïve eighteen year old self.

I decided that the first place to start looking for him would obviously be at a church. The only problem is that I don't know what church I dropped him off at. The only thing I know is that it was a Catholic church four years ago.

I jumped on Edward's computer and searched "Catholic Church Seattle, WA." Ten results popped up on the screen. I wrote down the addresses on a piece of scrap paper just as Edward walked through the door.

"Hey." He said. "I brought some food."

"I know where we can start looking."

Edward grabbed some plates from the kitchen cupboard and put some food on both of them for us. He spoke as he walked over to the computer desk. "Looking for what?"

"Liam."

"You know how outrageous this is, right?" I think he was questioning my sanity. I had just escaped an abusive relationship, after all, but I didn't care. I have to find him.

I sighed. "Please, just help me find him. I dropped him off at a Catholic Church and that's all I know. We can go to these places and see what they say. If they don't give us any information, I'll stop."

"And if they do?"

"Then I'm going to find him." I told him, nodding my head confidently. "You don't have to help me if you don't want to, but I'm going to."

"Alright. You have yourself a deal."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He held up his pinkie and a smile crept onto his beautiful face. I locked mine with his and looked him in the eye for a fleeting moment. He shook his head and reached for the paper. "Where do we start?"

* * *

That weekend, we started our journey to find my little Liam. All of the addresses were put into the GPS in Edward's Volvo and we were ready to go. I was feeling just as adventurous as this sounded, so I wore my flower backpack from Target and a white button down shirt with my long hair in a side braid. Edward laughed at my enthusiasm.

We were splitting all of the churches up into groups. We'd visit the first three and then break. Next three, break. Then the last four before we went home. It was going to be a long day.

Edward pulled into the parking lot of the first place and I immediately shook my head. This was not the kind of place I would drop my baby off. It looked sketchy in the bad part of town, with bars over the windows. Boys with their pants down to their ankles walked down the streets with cigarettes in their mouth and a bottle of beer in their hands. Church or not, it didn't exactly look like a safe place.

"I didn't leave him here." I said.

"How do you know?"

"I can't explain it. I just know." I looked around. "This doesn't feel safe. I wouldn't have dropped him off here."

"Are you sure? Places change over time, Bella."

"This is not it. We're just wasting our time."

And so we crossed that church off of the list in a big, fat red marker. But the second church proved to be more helpful than the first and it was the place that set the basis for the journey to come.

Edward and I jumped out of the car and walked up the steps. I suddenly felt bad for not going to church recently. I didn't know if I should knock, or just walk in. Edward shrugged too. I decided to knock as I walked in.

"Hello?" My voice echoed through the pews. Beautiful statues sat around and mosaics painted the windows. It was absolutely mesmerizing, and utterly beautiful. This felt like the kind of place I would leave my baby at. "Is anyone here?"

We slowly walked down the aisle, looking left and right.

The voice of an old woman called back to us. "Just a moment!" There were footsteps and soft rustling before the nun came into view. She smiled and walked over to us as quickly as she could.

"How can I help you?"

"This is actually a crazy story, but, um, I was hoping you could help me out." I started nervously.

"Of course." She said sweetly.

As I explained the story of how I dropped my baby off, her face fell. She suddenly didn't look so happy and helpful. She looked bitter and the complete opposite of what she had been moments ago. I felt my throat tighten and my heartbeat race.

"Do you know what happens to the newborns dropped off at this church?"

"Any baby dropped off at any church is brought to the hospital." The nun stated.

"Which hospital?"

The nun sighed loudly. "I don't know. They're in the records somewhere." She said dismissively, with a wave of her hand.

Edward and I both looked at each other and shook our heads simultaneously. Edward spoke up this time. "Would you mind looking that up? It would really help us out."

She mumbled something underneath her breath before she scurried back off into the room. I guess I didn't meet her religious standards - not that she knows the half of what's happened. She must think I was a stupid and reckless teenage girl.

Twenty minutes had passed before she slowly walked back into the room. Her angered vibes were even worse than before as she nearly flung a folder at me. "Any child dropped off at any church in Seattle is brought to the Seattle Children's Hospital. They're more trained with pregnant teenagers anyway."

I stiffened and Edward grabbed my arm. He looked at me sternly and I sighed and stopped. She isn't worth yelling at. She doesn't know anything. I mumbled a quick "thank you for your time" between my teeth and followed Edward to the Volvo. Once we were inside with the doors shut, I went on a tangent.

"Could she have been any ruder, I mean, seriously?!"

"At least we know where to go now and we don't have to go to all of those churches."

"But still! _They__'__re more trained with pregnant teenagers anyway _- to hell with that!"

"No cursing on holy ground." He teased.

I rolled my eyes at his teasing and leaned back in my seat. Even though that nun was a little rude, Edward was right. At least we know where we're going now. And hopefully the nurses will be a little more courteous to our needs.

The hospital wasn't too far away, but the heavy traffic and drizzly skies added another half hour to the trip. Maybe if I find my baby, we'll get out of here. It's just too crazy sometimes.

When we finally made it to the children's hospital, Edward parked the car and we walked side by side to the front desk. The room was surprisingly empty. A feeling of joy overcame me when I realized that my little boy had been through these same doors.

A woman with short dark brown hair, pale skin, and blue eyes sat behind the desk. We walked up, and she looked at us with a smile. "Hi, welcome to the Seattle Children's Hospital. How can I help you?"

"It's actually a long story."

"I've got time." She smiled.

"Four years ago, I had a baby. There were some… personal complications, so I dropped him off at a Catholic in Seattle. We went to one of the churches and they said that any newborn dropped off at a church would be dropped here and I was wondering if you could tell us what happens to those babies."

"Ah." The receptionist nodded, and started typing into her computer. "Okay, so the baby was dropped off four years ago… Catholic Church…" She stared at the screen. "In that year, there were twenty babies dropped off at Catholic Churches."

I held onto Edward's arm.

"All of them were sent to different orphanages around the country. All in California, Illinois, Massachusetts… and Maine."

"Can you write down the names of the places?"

"Of course I can do that, just a moment." She scribbled the names and addresses on a piece of paper and then handed it to me. I looked at it hopefully. "I hope you find who you're looking for."

"Thank you." I smiled and left the hospital.

Back in the car, we sat for a long moment, neither of us talking. I sat up straight and fiddled with my fingers. Edward stared straight ahead.

"You know that I'm going to go." I whispered. "We have places to go now - places that he might be. I have to try to find him. I have to."

"I know." He said softly.

"I'm going to be alright. I'll just drive to all of these places and see if he's there. It might take a while… but I'll be back. I promise."

Edward looked over at me. "Do you really think that I'm going to let you go alone?"

"You're going to help me?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Of course I am, Bella."

I smiled, joyful at the thought of not doing this alone.

"Why don't we talk about this over dinner or something?" I suggested.

"Sure."

Edward drove around until we found a decent restaurant to settle down at. We waited for a table and once we were seated, we looked over the menu and discussed what we were going to do.

It's mid-December now and Edward goes on winter break next week, which means that he has three weeks off of school. That's when we agreed to leave. I'll have all week to pack and buy things that we need, while he studies for all of his midterms.

I'm going to call my dad in Forks and we're going to stop at his house for a bit. Edward's going to call his sister in Massachusetts. We're going to drive across the country together.

First stop: California.

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**Edward and Bella. Traveling across the country to find a baby. What could possibly go down?  
Thanks for reading, and please review! You guys are great.**

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


	6. Show Me A Garden

**I got Breaking Dawn on DVD last night at midnight, and that is **_**so **_**exciting. I cannot wait to watch it. I also ran a race this morning and came in 13****th**** overall (which is my lucky number), and placed second in my age division. Then we cleaned the entire house. And then I posted this chapter, which I'm hoping you'll enjoy. **

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It's been nine days since we found out where my baby could be. Nine days. These nine days have been agonizing and painful. Every moment spent has seen me pacing around the empty apartment, waiting for time to pass by. Seconds, minutes, hours… days.

I have a dying desire to learn more about Liam and find out where he is. I need to see him. I need to hug him. I just _need_ to be with him. This feeling is unlike anything I've ever felt before. Motherly instincts maybe?

I pace back into Edward's room and stare at the bed, counting off in my head.

_Suitcases_. Check.

_Toiletries. _Check.

_Cell phone. _Check.

Is there anything else? I try to think of something – anything, but I come across blank. After checking for the fifteenth time in the past hour, I'm almost positive that we have everything.

Edward is taking his last midterm today. As soon as he gets home, we're putting everything into his Volvo and heading off for California. We're going to stop at my dad's house in Forks on the way for a surprise visit. It's about three hours out. I haven't seen him in four years and I'm still not sure how I feel about seeing him again, nervous for sure among other things.

Half an hour and ten more supply checks later, I heard Edward walk through the door as I ran into the front room to greet him.

"Hey." I said as he hung his backpack up.

He smiled at me. "Hey yourself."

"How was the midterm?"

"Great. No thanks to you helping me study." Edward winked at me and ran his hands through his bronze hair. "Are you just about ready to go?"

"Yes, yes, yes." I said eagerly, more than ready to leave.

Edward laughed. "Well, if you're so sure, why don't we get all of this into the car then?"

I nodded excitedly and we both made our way into the bedroom. Edward checked everything again just to makes sure (it was all there) and we brought all of our stuff down to the car. He ran back upstairs one more time to get changed and double check that the lights and appliances were off before we set off on our incredibly long journey.

California would be nice and hopefully nowhere near as cold as Seattle.

He turned on some music - something soft and slow, and haunting. I rested my head against the leather seat and stared out the window, watching as my city disappeared behind me.

_Good riddance_.I thought to myself. There are too many bad memories there. Maybe getting away for a while is just what I need.

The music continued to hum as we drove down the gloomy road. I closed my eyes and relaxed. My breathing softened and I felt sleep fall over me like a sheet. I didn't dream. It was a soothing darkness, a visual lullaby.

"Bella, wake up." I suddenly heard Edward say from beside me. His hands were on my shoulder, shaking me ever so lightly. I grumbled a little and opened my eyes, blinking a few times before his face came into view.

"Yeah?" I mumbled. I wanted to sleep.

"We're here." He said simply.

I sat up in my seat and yawned loudly. Sleeping in a cramped car for three hours is never a _good _three hours of sleep. It kills the arms, legs and neck. I stretched what I could while still sitting down and rolled my head from side to side before I pushed the car door open and stepped onto the familiar driveway.

Much to my delight, the house hadn't changed a bit. The white panels were still there and dirty. The rose garden we had given a go at, back in eleventh grade was of course, dead, but still there. I smiled, just seeing my house made me feel warm inside.

"Come on." I said to Edward. "Let's get the stuff and go inside."

We both went over to the trunk. Edward popped it open and he grabbed both of our suitcases and my bag. I tried to carry it myself, but he smiled at me and shook his head, proving that chivalry still does exist.

I checked under the eve for the key - another thing that hadn't changed. I twisted it in the lock and stepped inside, home sweet home at long last. I wanted to cry just looking at it. It's been ages since I've talked to my father, let alone walk into my own house.

"Dad?" I called out. There was no answer. I tried again. "Dad? … huh. I guess he isn't home. Maybe he's still at work."

"Probably so." Edward murmured, looking around the room. It suddenly occurred to me that this wasn't just a trip down memory lane for me. Edward had spent time here too, many Friday nights, sleepovers when we were just little kids and small family get-togethers. This was practically home to him too.

I looked over at Edward. "Why don't we go put this upstairs?"

"Sure."

He trailed behind me as I led him to my room. My heart pounded in my chest as we neared the white door. I wondered what it would look like, probably a complete mess. Furniture gone - maybe my dad had sold it after all these years. I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the door and it was exactly as I had left it four years ago. Same purple bedspread, same rocking chair in the corner, same yellow lace curtains… _this is my room, __I__'__m finally home_.

I walked over to the bed and put my hand on the silky comforter. Edward came up behind me and plopped the suitcases onto the bed.

"I still remember this room." He mused and grinned slightly, maybe even unthinkingly. "There are a lot of memories here." He said looking around while his eyes flickered up to mine and we locked gazes.

"A ton of memories." I sat on the bed with my hands glued to my sides. I took in a deep breath and laughed, shaking my head at the thick nostalgia in the room. I felt like I was drowning in it - literally suffocating. Did I really live on Pine Street? It sure felt a lot like Memory Lane.

Edward took a seat next to me on the bed. Our hands touched. He didn't move. Neither did I. My heart was erratic, breathing like a freight train and I felt something in my chest that I hadn't felt for a very long time. We looked at each other again and in that instant I knew that we were both thinking the same thing. We were both thinking back to when we were just two fifteen year old kids.

And there it was. The hesitation. Then the anticipation of what would happen next. Our eyes were locked intently. I could feel him against me. He was so close. He bit his lip and I stared at him with a wide eyed gaze. He slowly moved a little closer and I followed his lead. Closer, closer, closer, closer… then he was right there in front of me.

My breath was caught in my throat. I closed my eyes. His breath was hot against my chin. His lips were almost against mine. I had never wanted something so badly. And then…. the goddamn phone rang. And the moment was ruined. The romance, the passion - everything was gone, dissipated from the room.

I sighed heavily and we both slowly pulled away.

"I should probably start on dinner or something."

He cleared his throat. "Umm, yeah. I'll help."

Silently, the two of us walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I searched through the cupboards and fridge in the hopes of finding something _other _than fish. No such luck.

"Tuna, Salmon, Trout, or Tilapia?" I asked Edward in a playful tone.

He laughed. "He hasn't changed a bit, has he?"

"Some things never do."

We decided to bake the Tilapia (Edward's choice). While it cooked, we looked through the pantry again for something we could use to season it. After a good ten minutes of searching, we found some lemon and garlic. That was enough to add good flavor to it.

Halfway through its cooking time, Edward pulled it out of the oven and seasoned it before he slid it back in. While it baked, I sat on the counter, picking through a bag of Chex Mix. I only like the brown squares.

Soon there were lights pulling up in the driveway. I felt like I was in high school again waiting for my dad to get home from work every day. I'm sure that he would be surprised when he walks in and found me cooking dinner for him.

Edward and I both waited quietly. My dad opened the door. I could hear him hanging his gun belt up and taking his shoes off at the welcome mat. He then walked into the dining room and looked up at us. He jumped, as though taken aback at first. Then he blinked like he couldn't believe his eyes.

"… Bells?"

"Dad!" I exclaimed and ran over to him and into his awaiting arms.

"What are you doing here?!" He asked after the hug. Then he studied my face. "Wow, Bella, you look - " he struggled to find the right word. An emotional wreck? Sad? Confused? "Beautiful." He finally said.

My cheeks flushed. "Thanks, dad."

He pulled away from me and looked over at Edward, who was standing off to the side. "And Edward! You too! This really is a surprise. I haven't seen you since high school."

"Hello, Mr. Swan." Edward greeted politely with a smile and a sparkle in his emerald green eyes.

"And just as courteous as ever, you know that you can call me Charlie." My dad looked at the both of us and sighed heavily. "Wow. You're all grown up, the both of you."

"It has been four years." I reminded him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know." My dad said. "Which leads me back to my question - what are you guys doing here?"

Edward and I looked at each other as though unsure of what to say. I shook my head and turned back to my father, who was clearly waiting for an answer. "Why don't we talk about it over dinner? I'm sure it's time to take the fish out of the oven." I suggested. My dad shrugged and I ran back to the kitchen to pull our dinner out. It looked just as amazing as it smelt. I piled the food onto three plates and somehow managed to carry all of them to the table, where both of the boys sat patiently.

I could tell it'd been a while since my dad had eaten something as nice of this. I'm sure that he's been living off of fried fish and hot pockets ever since I left. He'd never been much of a cook.

My dad was halfway through his fish when he finally asked the question again. Oh, the dreaded question. Why the two of us has spontaneously decided to come back to Forks after all these years.

Did I dare tell him the truth? He would never approve. Maybe I will only tell half of the truth? I would tell him about Liam. But not about Jacob - if he even brought _that_ up. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Sparing him the details of the abuse was probably best for the both of us.

"I want to find Liam." I finally told him.

He stared at me blankly.

"It's just been so long and, it's been bothering me for forever". I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. "I… I need closure on everything that happened." I told him our crazy, insane and almost ridiculous plan.

"But why _now_?"

I thought about that. "I don't know. Something brought it on. Even if I don't get to stay with him, I at least want to find him and make sure that he's okay."

His face softened. "I understand, Bells. I just don't want you to get your hopes up. You know that he could be with a new family now. He could be a happy little boy."

My throat felt thick. "I know."

I suddenly felt a hand on my thigh from underneath the table. I looked up and saw Edward staring at me with sympathy pooling in his eyes. I mustered a smile onto my face and he smiled right back.

"I'm going to get some air." I said quietly and excused myself from the table. I felt their eyes on me as I walked away, but I didn't turn back. I opened the door and stepped out into the chilly, midnight air.

The stars were so different here, maybe because I could actually see them. They sparkled in the black sky and if I looked hard enough, I could see the different constellations. They were like a million little stars spelling out different names and different stories. I shoved my hands into my pocket and tried to count all of them in an attempt to distract myself.

My breathing came out heavy and my hands shook in my pocket. I looked up at the stars and tried to find out where my story was, where my name was. I then realized that it wasn't up there yet, because I haven't yet reached my ending.

In a way, I wished that I had. Maybe it would be more peaceful and happy. Then I wouldn't have to live with all of this pain and regret.

The door open softly and my dad slipped into the night air. He casually walked over to me and said nothing as he stood by my side. I didn't look at him. I stared up at the stars. I had forgotten how beautiful they were.

"I'm sorry if I upset you." My dad said.

"Don't apologize." I choked. "It's not your fault. It's the truth."

"I think it's good that you're looking for him, because you're right. You need closure. I can tell that you haven't moved on yet."

I nodded my head slowly. My heart aching.

"Bella." He said my name clearly.

"Yeah?"

"How long has this been going on for?" He asked me seriously, turning to look at me.

I tried to play it off, avoiding his stare. "How long has what been going on for?"

"Don't you play innocent with me." He scolded me like I was a stupid sixteen year old again. "I work with this kind of stuff every day. Did you really think that I wouldn't notice? I could tell the second you came up and hugged me."

I was silent.

"So how long has it been going on for?"

"A while." I snapped out at him.

"Bella, this is important - "

"It doesn't matter anymore! It's taken care of!"

"It does matter! You're my little girl and I'll be dammed if a son of a bitch like him is going to put his hands on you." He snapped right back.

"Since Liam, okay? That's when it started. That's how long it's been going on for. So now that you know, we can be done with this conversation. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said, as I shook my head back and forth, trying to erase my memories.

His face reddened. "This went on for _four years_ and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone." I admitted meekly.

My dad's brown eyes widened and I suddenly felt like I was looking into a mirror. "Oh, Bells…"

"It's okay now." My voice was barely above a whisper. I wiped tears from my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt. "He's, uh, gone now. Edward called the police a few weeks ago and I haven't seen him since. So don't worry about it."

"This is a big deal. You can't keep playing this off like it's nothing."

"I know." I said and my voice cracked. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I completely broke down. The tears were like a storm as they raced down my reddened cheeks and my chest felt tight and constricted. My entire world was crashing down around me in that very instant.

My dad welcomed me into his arms and ran his hand up and down my back. I cried into my daddy's chest like a lost little girl. "It's okay, it's okay." He said to me. "You're going to be alright." I wanted to believe him, but I didn't see how it was possible. Would I ever be okay again?

We stayed like this for a while. I cried until there were no tears left and no cries left in my chest. It was only then that I pulled away from my dad and wiped my eyes.

"Sorry." I mumbled. I had a headache now.

He kissed my forehead. "You'll always be my little girl. You know that?"

I smiled. "I love you, daddy."

"Love you too, Bells. Why don't we get inside? It's cold."

"Yeah. Can you just give me a minute? I just need to cool down." It felt funny to say that on such a chilly night.

"Take all the time you need."

And he walked inside without another word.

I didn't really feel like standing anymore. I found a nice spot on the cool grass and lay down. It tickled against my neck, but I didn't care. My skin was hot and the ground was icy. I closed my eyes and counted back from one hundred.

Slowly, I regained my composure and I felt calm again, sleepy even. It was like Dorothy lying in the field of Poppies. Running and fighting, and running and fighting, until finally she couldn't fight anymore. She surrendered in the bed of beautiful flowers. In this case, I am Dorothy and Edward is the Scarecrow.

He lay next to me soundlessly. So quietly that I didn't even notice his presence. Had he not spoke up; I wouldn't have realized he was even there.

"You doing alright?" He asked me.

"Oh, I didn't see you there." I breathed. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed a little air, but I think I'm okay now."

"Then why are you laying out here in the cold?"

I felt his hand against mine as I tried to find an answer for that question. "I guess I've just missed all of this. You know? The stars and the trees, it's so beautiful. Don't get me wrong, the city is great but… this is like a breath of fresh air. Literally."

"We'll have to come down here more often then, won't we?"

"I'd like that."

We lay in the grass together - our own field of Poppies. I nestled closer to him and I soon felt his hand intertwine with mine. He held it there and brushed his thumb against my skin. The December air was freezing, but for some reason, I didn't want to move. I was perfectly happy staying outside with Edward. Because when I'm next to him, I feel warm.

* * *

_If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie here with me, and just forget the world?  
_

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**Twelve pages long. This chapter was nice to write. It kind of wrote itself. Reviews would be very nice. Thank you for reading. And thanks to my lovely BETA. (:**

**Xoxo,  
Halley**


	7. Bush Cats

**Wow. Okay. That took a while to update, but I have a reason. This was originally about twenty pages, until my beta and I decided to split this up into three chapters. You guys will get some of that in a few days or so. It's a mini chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter!  
**

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If you're my girl, twirl me around your room with feeling, and as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us as love sweeps over the room, 'cause we tend to make each other blush.

* * *

_BPOV_

Edward and I eventually made our way back inside. I could have laid with him for forever, but it was getting cold and about time we went back in. And besides, as lovely as it was, sleeping in freezing temperatures is not my idea of fun.

"Look." I said in a whisper and nodded over to my dad as we walked into the living room. He was lounged across the coach, head back against the seat with his mouth wide open. Some documentary about the ancient Egyptians was playing on the screen. I laughed to myself and turned it off and softly put a blanket over him.

Edward laughed too. "He used to do that all the time."

"Still does, apparently." I shook my head. "Come on, let's go upstairs." Once we were out of ear shot from the living room, I turned to Edward as I walked, "you can crash in my dad's room, or my floor, since the couch is not an option anymore."

"Floor." He answered almost immediately. "It might get a little awkward if your dad decides to go back into his room in the middle of the night."

"Just a little." I agreed sarcastically.

I pulled out two extra pillows from the closet, along with a thick comforter and set them nicely on the floor next to my bed while Edward changed in the bathroom. I felt like I was seven years old again. Edward and I used to have sleepovers until we were too old to have "boy-girl" sleepovers.

Of course it won't be anything like it was fifteen years ago. No pillow fights, bed times, or playing imaginary games like doctor or house. Just the two of us talking and sleeping.

After the "bed" was ready to go, I grabbed some pajamas for myself to wear from my suitcase. I very quickly yanked the blue sweatpants over my tiny hips and pulled the white tank top over my head before Edward returned. I had just taken my hair down from the ponytail when he walked back in.

"Hey." I said, shaking my hair out.

"Hey yourself." He looked down at the floor. "Nice." He was referring to the bed I had put together.

"Take it or leave it. I'm pretty sure it's just about the most comfortable floor bed you'll ever sleep on, if I do say so myself." I grinned.

"Then why don't you come test it out with me?" He said, smiling that crooked smile.

I sighed. "If you insist."

We both lay down on the floor together and stared up at the ceiling. The glow in the dark stars faintly glowed in the dim light. I was surprised that they still worked. I still remember when my dad gave them to me. It was my eighth birthday, and at the time, I wanted to be an astronaut. I got so many space books that year.

Edward and I played rocket ships in the backyard together that night. We zoomed across the grass barefoot and pretended to fly through the sky. We played until it was cold outside and it was time for him to go home.

I laughed at the memory.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking about when we used to play rocket ship in the backyard."

He laughed too. "I remember that. I always wanted to be the red one."

"And you threw a fit that one time when that Mike kid wanted to be the red one."

"I never did like him." Edward mumbled under his breath.

"Well, clearly!" I blurted out, a little louder than expected. "You ironically wanted to start playing some kind of fighting game afterwards so you could get back at him."

We both laughed now.

"Oh, wow." I breathed. My sides hurt from laughing so much.

"Those were some fun times."

I nodded in agreement. Sometimes I miss being little. I miss playing in the backyard with friends and getting dirty. Having early bedtimes and watching cartoons while your dad pours you a bowl of Lucky Charms in the morning. But in a way, I'm happy I've grown up. I have the independence to do what I want and that's nice and all, but being grown up can be a scary thing too, because you have to face the biggest monster of all: life.

"I'm going to bed now." I announced and stood up from Edward's makeshift bed.

Edward looked up at me with his hands behind his head. He smiled at me in such a way that it was impossible for me not to smile back.

"Night."

"Night." I repeated, and crawled into the bed that I had missed so much. I wrapped the sheets around myself like a butterfly in a cocoon and reached over to turn the bedside lamp off. I didn't even notice the darkness, because my eyes were already closed, and I was drifting off to happy dreams.

* * *

The next morning went by in a rush. Nearly the second I woke up (and hit Edward in the head with a pillow to make him wake up too), we were packing and getting ready to go. We had a twenty hour car ride ahead of us, so getting on the road as quickly as possible was the only thing on our minds.

I changed into a pair of black leggings and a purple long sleeved shirt and hurried down the stairs with my bag slung over my back. Edward trailed behind me, the suitcase thumping loudly with each step.

"Wait just one minute." My dad's voice boomed as we neared the front door. He came running to us a minute later with powder all over his face. "Hold on."

"What's wrong, dad?"

"I made you some breakfast." He explained. "It's not the best… you know me, I can't cook. But I, uh, I thought it'd be nice for you to leave on a full stomach."

My dad really is the worst cook known to mankind. I don't know how he's survived all of these years without me, since I did all of the cooking back in high school. I knew that whatever he made would probably taste terrible, but I smiled anyway.

Edward and I both put our bags down and joined my dad at the table for the breakfast that he made.

I took a bite of the pancakes and tried my best not to cringe. What kind of milk did he use? Was this even pancake mix? I looked over at Edward and it looked like he had the same thoughts shooting through his head.

"Aren't you going to eat any?" Edward asked my father.

He laughed. "Hell no. I'm picking up doughnuts for myself later."

"Leaving us to be your guinea pigs, I see."

My dad laughed again and I ate as much as I could, which admittedly wasn't much. The pancakes didn't even taste like pancakes and I was terrified to try the eggs. I pushed my plate towards the middle of the table and pretended to rub my stomach in satisfaction.

"Thanks, dad. That was good."

He raised one eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, well… you'll get there someday. We can't all be professional chefs."

My dad took both of our plates and dumped them by the side of the sink. I hoped that he would clean that up soon. I don't even think that the flies would go near it. He followed us to the door and put his hands in his pockets. The air suddenly felt thick. Saying goodbye is never easy.

"Edward." My father nodded at him. "Take care of yourself. Take care of Bella too. Don't let her trip down a flight of stairs or something."

"With my luck, I'd fall through a window." I offered with a grimace thinking how true that could be.

They both laughed. Edward smiled at my dad. "Sure thing, Mr. Swan. Bella is always safe with me. She always has been." He then walked off, giving my dad and I the privacy we both needed.

I swallowed. "I'll see you soon."

"You better. No more of this disappearing on me like that. I've missed you, Bells."

I nodded. "I know. I've missed you too. I think I'll be able to come down more and visit you, though." No more Jacob, no more restrictions. "Hopefully I'll be back with Liam."

"Don't get your hopes up." My dad warned.

"I'm not." I said sadly and pulled my dad in for a hug. He patted my back softly and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked a few times to hold them back and took a deep breath. I pulled back after a long moment and picked up my bag.

Just as I was about to head out the door but my dad stopped me. "Bella!"

I froze. "What? What's wrong?" I ask in alarm, my eyes darting around instinctively, but finding nothing wrong.

"Don't let that boy walk away from you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Edward. Don't let him leave." He blurted out. "He's good for you."

I didn't know what to say. My words were trapped in my throat. I nodded slowly and somehow managed to mumble another goodbye before I walked into the morning light. Edward's Volvo was already on, and after I put my bags in the trunk and slid into my seat, he had already plugged the address of our hotel into the GPS.

He slowly pulled out of the driveway and then we were off.

The first hour of the trip wasn't bad. We stopped at a gas station and while he filled up the tank, I ran inside and stocked up on some food. Monster bags of chips, Coke, iced tea, pretzels and crackers – just about everything you could think of.

By the second hour, we had eaten halfway through the bag of chips.

Three hours into the trip, I called the hotel we were staying at to double check our reservation and I also called the children's home we would be visiting. (I don't like to call it an orphanage. It sounds so demeaning.) It was the only place in San Diego that took children from the children's hospital back in Seattle, so any records of Liam coming through here would be there.

I made sure it was okay that we were dropping by tomorrow and I made sure that they understood why we were going. The woman seemed almost a little skeptical, but she didn't question that.

Edward asked me why I didn't just call and ask these people if they had a little boy named Liam there. It was a good point, but when I looked into it, they said that that kind of information is not given out over the phone - a standard for all children's homes.

This is the only option.

"I see a California license plate." I mumbled groggily some _nine hours_ into the trip. Only eleven more hours to go. We had been playing the license plate game for quite some time now.

"Me too. About twenty times."

"Okay, I'm done with this game." I said and sat up. There was an uneasy feeling in my stomach, but I tried to pass it off. We didn't speak for a good ten minutes. The feeling still hadn't passed. "I don't feel well." I told Edward.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"My stomach hurts." I whined and curled myself up into a little ball, facing the window. Edward didn't say anything, but I felt his eyes flicker over to me every so often.

"Maybe it'll pass. Give it fifteen minutes."

And I did. Fifteen minutes later, I felt nauseated to no belief. I put my head in between my legs and breathed slowly. I didn't feel right. I felt sick. I was tempted to lie and say that I felt better to calm Edward's nerves and fear of me vomiting all over his precious car, but I didn't even have time to do that.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"Pull over. I need you to pull over, right now."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Pull the goddamn car over!"

He swerved the car over to the right so quickly that had I not had my seatbelt on, I would have slammed against the windscreen. He kept bombarding me with questions that I didn't answer. I threw the door open and threw up on the grass.

When I had finished, I stood up, wiped my mouth and took a seat in the car.

"_That _is why I told you to pull over."

"Oh." He simply said. I wanted to get back on the road as soon as possible, but he made me wait fifteen minutes before we started driving again. He said it was for my own benefit, but I beg to differ. I think it was because he wanted to keep his car clean.

"I feel much better now." I said once we were driving again, courtesy of Edward, fifteen minutes later.

"Well, I'd hope so!"

"I wonder what caused that, though." I mused to myself. "Hmm. I used to get carsick as a kid. Or it could be anxiety. Or, or… _oh_. It was those damn pancakes."

Edward laughed loudly.

"Hey, you ate them too. I wouldn't be laughing."

"_Please. _I don't get sick. Throwing up is for the weak."

I don't get sick - my ass. Four hours later, at nine o'clock at night, _he_ started complaining that _his _stomach hurt. We had switched out who was driving and it was my turn now, so I smirked a little and looked over at him.

"Oh, but remember, you don't get sick."

"Well, maybe I said that before, but - "

"Throwing up is for the weak." I quoted him.

"Oh my god. Don't do this to me."

I checked the invisible watch on my arm. "Hmm. Well… I guess is it almost your shift for driving, so I guess I could pull over early…"

"Please." He begged.

"Too bad, I don't feel like it." I snickered.

"Bella!"

I laughed and pulled over. When I did, he stepped out of the car and started pacing back and forth slowly with his hands over his head. I turned the engine off to save gas and walked over to him.

"Feeling any better?"

"Yeah. I think so." He breathed. "I just needed some air. I feel fine now."

"I thought you were going to throw up!"

"Bella, Bella. I already told you…throwing up is for the weak." He winked and started for the driver's seat. I stared with my eyes wide and mouth hanging open wondering what in the world had just happened.

I crawled back into the car and tried to get comfortable. My butt hurt from sitting down in the seat for so long, and I'm almost positive that my whole body is going to be sore tomorrow. Not that there's much I can do about that one. I'm going to have to sleep sooner or later.

But for the time being, I turned on some music and rested my head against the dashboard. Edward laughed softly and patted my head.

I sighed heavily, for reasons more than one. First - out of pure boredom. Second - for being ridiculously uncomfortable, and also being thoroughly exhausted. And third - because I had nothing better to do, which ties back to reason number one… pure and utter boredom.

"Are we there yet?" I whined almost an hour later. The clock was blinking ten o'clock now in bright green numbers.

"Nope." Edward popped the 'p' in nope. I groaned in response. "Well, we only have another six hours to go… if that makes you feel any better."

I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, then let my head fall against the seat. "Somebody shoot me."

"Sorry. I left the gun at home."

"Damn."

Most of our conversations went this way, short, simple and to the point. One of us would bring something up - some random, unnecessary fact, or make some funny insult towards each other. We'd both laugh and then that was that.

There really isn't much to say to someone you've been in a car with for fourteen hours.

"Edward…" I said slowly, stretching out the syllables as I stared out of the window. I could faintly make out the figure of something in the headlights ahead of us. I wasn't sure _what _it was, exactly, but I knew it was _something_.

"What?" He asked lazily. Sleep deprivation was obvious in his voice.

"What the hell is - "My eyes suddenly shot open and I sat up straight. "Holy crow!"

Edward nearly drove us off the road. "Gah! Bella! What was that for!?"

"There's a cat! There's a cat on the side of the road!"

"Huh? A cat?"

I pointed. Through the headlights, I saw a little cat by the side of the road. Edward's speed dropped dramatically, while he tried to look for the mysterious cat that I had seen.

"Where?"

I pointed again. "Right there. That's a cat."

"Bella… that's a bush…"

I blinked.

"No."

"Yeah, it's a rare species of felines that hide by the side of the road at midnight and scare the passengers so that they scream and terrify the driver so badly that they almost run off the road. They call them… the bush cats." He teased.

You know you've been in a car for too long when you mistake a bush for a cat. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Edward laughed too.

"Oh, I need caffeine." I cried through my laughter.

"The next time we see a Starbucks, we'll stop."

And you'd be surprised by the lack of Starbucks there were on this road. There was literally nothing for miles. Nothing. No truck stops, gas stations, hotels… _nothing._ Thank god I had peed earlier, because otherwise, I would have been screwed.

Ever since the "bush cat" incident, neither of us had been able to fall asleep, and our conversations were a little more coherent. (And by coherent, I mean longer than three words.)

We finally got through to a radio station, so we turned off the CD and turned up the music as loud as it would go.

_Get back in my life. Come knock on my door. What I'm looking fo__r,__ I think you should know. You started a fire. Put me to the floor. Please don't resist anymore._

Edward and I sang in each other's faces. I laughed and rolled down my windows, happy by the unusual warm winter air and stuck my head out while I screamed the lyrics to the starry sky.

_Your whisper, so clear. The world disappeared. I've fallen to the darkness. It's impossible to express. I move, confused. I'm wrapped up, I've sinned, so tired I'll never be free. Oh, I don't fight the feeling._

I've decided that you can never go wrong with Maroon 5.

Hours later, yes, hours, later we soundlessly pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. We left my dad's house about twenty hours ago and now, at four in the morning, we've finally made it to sandy and sunny, San Diego. Though at this time, and point in our exhaustion, we hardly cared.

I went inside to check in while Edward got the bags.

I'm positive that I looked like a hot mess. Wild hair, no makeup, pale face (a sure shocker for beautiful California… they're used to tan.) My voice was thick with sleep and I could barely see what was ahead of me.

"Hi, um, I have a reservation under Swan…" I spat out.

The woman behind the desk typed in some buttons on her computer. "Alright… Ms. Swan?"

I nodded and after giving her my credit card, crossed my arms over my chest. Edward walked into the lobby at that moment with his hands full of bags and suitcases. He came up behind me, dropped the bags and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you have the key yet?" He mumbled.

The woman put it, along with my credit card, down on the desk. "Right there. Room 216. Have a wonderful stay, you two."

I nodded at her, and we headed for the elevators. The ride up there was quiet. I was too tired to break the silence. We walked down the empty hallway, and went into our hotel room.

I don't remember brushing my teeth. I don't even remembering changing. All I remember is collapsing on the bed and closing my eyes. Twenty hours of little sleep had paid off. The bed was like magic and the rest was even better.

Sleep instantly took over me.

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**Thanks for reading. I appreciate it so much. Review, maybe? (:**

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


	8. One Way or Another

**As promised, here's a small, mini chapter. Hope you like it. ;)**

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"Thanks again." I said in a low voice.

"No problem. What are friends for?"

I didn't respond. I didn't want to talk at all. Talking about this would lead to that and soon enough, I'd have to tell the story _again_.

The short time I'd spent alone gave me enough time to make up some good sob story. Or maybe I'll just punch anyone who asks me about it. Either or. A good lie or a good smack works for me. Maybe even both.

The car suddenly was at an abrupt halt. I jolted in my seat and glared at Seth. Damn kid hardly even knows how to drive yet.

I pushed the car door open and slammed it behind me. The car zoomed off as soon as I was gone and I immediately stormed up to my apartment. She'd be there, reading one of those damn books of hers probably, or drinking her disgusting tea, looking through a newspaper.

I'll knock the shocked look off of her face for what she did to me. Locking me up in jail? Embarrassing me? Spending time with that guy _in my house_?

I put the key in the lock and kicked the door open. It was empty. No movement at all. I looked around the house - no Bella. She was probably out taking pictures with her stupid camera.

So I decided to wait for her. I opened up the fridge which was surprisingly empty and pulled out a beer. It'd been so long since I've had one. I chugged it down in less than a minute and without even thinking, my hand instinctively reached for another. But the beer wasn't enough to satisfy me. I wanted something stronger, something to help me deal with that bitch. I reached above the kitchen cabinets, where she could never reach and grabbed my bottle of whiskey. I put the rim to my mouth and chugged that too. It burned my throat. I slammed it down on the counter and breathed deeply. My eyes stung. Lips were on fire. Nose flared; my throat burning.

But damn, it had never tasted so good.

I wandered around slowly waiting for her to get back.

What would I do… what would I do? She would be surprised to see me. Probably happy after the long time I'd been gone. I'd let her hug me and kiss me and say how much she'd missed me. She'll apologize. I'd go along with it for a while. But then I'd have to punish her, because if I don't, she'll never learn.

I don't _want _to punish her, (I don't like to see her cry. It's annoying as hell when she sits there and begs me to stop) but I have to. If I don't, then nobody will.

Then once I put her in her place, we'll be happy again. I thought about moving away while I was gone. I'll find us a nice place far away from here so I won't have to deal with the questions and the lies and the bullshit. Maine sounds like a good place to go. It's far enough away. Cold too, so she won't like have to leave the house. She can stay inside and cook for me all day.

The clock ticked. She still hadn't come in yet. I drank another beer and lounged on the couch. I drank this one a bit slower, lost in thought. I found myself daydreaming about her, her long, pretty hair and her pale skin and big brown eyes. She's so beautiful. I can't wait to have her back in my arms. To kiss her with everything I have. To rest my hands on her tiny waist, I love her waist now. She used to be a little bigger - not much - until I told her she needed to lose some of it. Now she's tiny enough for my hands to overlap around her waist.

The more I thought about her, the more I wanted her. The more I _needed_ her.

Why isn't she here yet?

I went out and decided to look for her. Before I left, I poured some vodka into a water bottle and chugged it before I stepped out of the door. I went to all of her favorite places. The park, the flower shop even the book store. She was nowhere to be found. I chugged the vodka without hesitation. My eyes watered even more than before and my throat was a burning fire.

I leaned against a wall and watched as people walked by me. It was nearing nine o'clock now. "Bella, Bella…" I mumbled to myself. "Where are you? Where the hell did you go…?"

An idea hit me. I took another sip of my drink, wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my coat and stumbled my way back towards the apartment. I had never had this much alcohol in my system before. It made me feel infinite. Undefeatable. Powerful. I liked it. I liked it so much in fact, that as soon as I stepped foot in the apartment, I got myself another glass.

There were the downsides, though. I ran smack into a few people on the streets and I felt like I couldn't walk straight. But the feeling that came along made up for the lack of balance. It's not like I haven't been drunk before.

I managed to grab my laptop and pull up the internet. The bright light blinded me. I had to squint to see the screen without it hurting. My fingers shook over the keys, as I quickly typed in the web address.

The webpage pulled up. Red, white, and blue filled up the screen, blinding me once again. I went to the settings on the computer and tuned the brightness down so I could see what I was doing. I clicked on sign in.

It took me a while to think of the password. Bella normally handles this stuff. I stumbled into our bedroom and opened up her binder of "important things." It was a bright blue with hearts and doodles drawn on it. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm. I flipped through it. Medical records… social security number… bank accounts. Bingo.

I got the file and looked through it. The bank card number for Bank of America was written in lime green marker. I brought it with me to the couch and typed it in. It took a minute to load, but then the homepage popped up.

I looked at all of the options. Check your balance, call for assistance, recent purchases. I clicked on recent purchases and huge list popped up in tiny black and white letters. I zoomed in the screen and read down the list.

She had made two purchases today. A bunch of food at a gas station near San Francisco and another at an Embassy Suites in San Diego.

_What the hell is she doing in California?_

I looked over the purchases again. I double clicked on the one in Embassy Suites. A small box popped up that read - _Embassy Suites. December 17, 2012. Two beds, one bath. $112.59_.

I highlighted _two beds_ with my cursor. She's in California and she's not alone. There's only one person she would ever go somewhere with. And I'm almost positive that his name is Edward.

My grip on the bottle tightened. I let out a roar of frustration and threw the bottle onto the ground, it shattered into a million pieces. Vodka splashed up on my pants and a few chards of glass pierced my skin. Blood slowly dripped down my leg.

That bitch thinks that she's so smart going off with him. She didn't think that I'd notice. To hell with that, to hell with her. I jumped up from the couch and grabbed a bag. I started throwing the first things my hands touched into it.

"She'll learn…" I muttered to myself.

I had a bag packed now. I refilled the water bottle with my alcohol, and tightened my grip on it. But before I left, there was one thing that I had to do. I grabbed the laptop and signed onto all of our bank accounts. I canceled all of them.

All of them, but one.

I wrote that card number on my wrist and put the paper in my back pocket for safe keeping. After all, if I was going to teach her a lesson, then I'll have to find her first. And what better way to find her than this?

Ready or not, Bella, here I come.

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Once way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.

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**OH MY GOD. Looks like Jacob is after them… this isn't good! I think you should review or I'll send him after you! ****(Just kidding. I'm not that mean. But reviewing would be nice.)**

**Xoxo,  
****Halley.**


	9. First Chance on the First Dance

**This chapter took forever and a day to write, but it's very long. I really hope that you like it, because I worked hard on it, and so did my beta! (All fourteen glorious pages!).**

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__

BPOV

Tired. Groggy. Confused. I couldn't use just one of these words to describe how I felt the next morning. My eyelids were heavy, though I knew I had been sleeping for ages. My body ached.

I flipped over onto my side and nearly screamed when I saw someone laying in front of me. His shirt clung to his body and he breathed in deeply - so deeply that he looked liked he was just as knocked out and exhausted as I was.

There was a lump in my throat. My heart thudded wildly in my chest. _He found me. _I said to myself. _He found me__ and he's __going to kill me._ I tried to keep my breathing silent, but it came out in uneven raspy gasps.

My skin felt hot and prickled with sweat, wet tears fall down my face before I had a chance to wipe them from my horror struck eyes.

"Bella." I heard him say. It didn't sound like him. I wanted to move away, but my body was frozen stiff. He said my name again, more clearly this time. "Bella!" A cool pair of hands were suddenly on my body. I followed my protective instinct and screamed, flinching away from him.

"Don't touch me!" I cried as he immediately dropped his hands at my shrill cry. I shook my head and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. It surprised me to see Edward sitting in front of me rather than Jacob. I covered my mouth with my hand and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I had a bad nightmare."

I think he knew I was lying, but true to his nature, he didn't question it. Edward simply smiled at me and gave my arm a gentle squeeze. I swallowed the lump in my throat and threw my arms around him. He sat there for a moment - maybe terrified to touch me after what I had just done, before he hugged me too.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Edward asked.

I pulled away from the hug and ran my hands through my knotted hair. I felt like a mess. "Looking for little Liam. The appointment isn't until 4pm." I looked over at the small alarm clock and sighed. We had slept for longer than I thought. "Of course it would be 2pm right now."

"I call dibs on first shower!"

"Edward!"

But it was too late; he was already jumping up from the bed and running towards the bathroom. I stumbled off of the bed, nearly tripping over my shoe and yanked on the hem of his shirt. He laughed as he opened the bathroom door.

"Haven't you heard of ladies first?" I pouted, refusing to let go out.

"And haven't you heard of keep your hands to yourself?" He grinned. I let go of his shirt and took a step back. "I mean, I know I'm irresistible and all, but -"

"Okay, okay. That's enough. Take your shower."

Edward smiled triumphantly and went into the bathroom. He left the door cracked. It was open enough so if I were to I _could _have peeked in (had I wanted to), but I decided not to. I walked away from the bathroom and opened up my suitcase. I'm going to get some tea for myself, since he called dibs on the shower - and I'm not bringing him any back.

I wiggled out of my tank top and pulled my sweatshirt from high school over my head. It felt so big on me. I could probably fit a bowling ball underneath it and still have some room.

I grabbed my wallet, put a pair of boots on my feet and wandered down to the lobby. Surprised that they had free drinks and breakfast here, but just to get on Edward's nerves, I walked to the Starbucks right next door.

The smell of coffee was overwhelming when I walked in. I scrunched up my nose.

"Hello, welcome to Starbucks. How can I help you?"

I read the boy's name tag. He had curly, strawberry blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. "Hi John." I smiled and he nodded with a boyish grin on his face. "Um, can I please have a Tazo Tea? No sugar, cream, or milk please."

"On a diet or something?" He joked as he punched a few buttons into the cash register. "Okay. Is that all?" When I nodded, he smiled. "Three dollars."

I handed him my credit card. He swiped it and stood there for a minute. "This isn't working."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure. I'm new here. I'm not too familiar with the register… can we try another card?" I fumbled through my purse. I put two more on the table. He swiped another one - no luck. The third one went through. I sighed in relief.

"Sorry. Our system is probably down." He mumbled his apology. "Can I get a name on that?"

"Bella."

"Beautiful." He said. The literal translation of my name.

I raised my eyebrows and walked away from the counter. John seemed nice and all, but I wasn't in the mood to be hit on by anyone. And the thought of flirting back terrified me.

It took a short five minutes for him to make my drink. When he handed it to me, I took it and practically ran out of the store. My feet carried me to the hotel faster than ever. Once I was in the hallway, I looked at the cup, and rolled my eyes at the way he wrote my name. There was a heart at the end of the 'a.' _Really?_

Edward was watching TV when I walked in. He was dressed now, wearing pants and a short sleeved button down. It was surprisingly warm outside. Then again, this _is_ California.

"Starbucks without me?" He shook his head. "That's cold."

"You can have some. I probably won't be able to finish the whole thing anyway." I handed it to him, and he took a huge sip. "I'm going to freshen up real quick and then we can leave."

"Sounds good to me. You have another hour and a half."

I smiled at Edward as I walked by him, grabbed some clothes from my suitcase and locked the door to the bathroom behind me. I turned the water on as high as it would go and neatly placed my clothes in the corner before I jumped in.

The one thing that I hate about staying in a hotel is that I can never seem to figure out the shower. I think that showers around the world should have a universal system for the temperature gauges - left for hot, right for cold. Once I managed to figure out _this _shower, I soaked my body in the warm water.

The caffeine was doing its job and now so was the water. The longer I stood under the running water, the more awake I felt. I washed my obnoxiously long hair with some shampoo and scrubbed my pale body with the soap.

My shower didn't last as long as I had hoped for. The excitement of possibly finding Liam was building and I cut it short by a good fifteen minutes. I turned the water off and stepped on the bath mat. In the foggy mirror, I saw my reflection.

My skin looked so pale - a ghostly kind of white. So pale that it made my thick, brown hair look almost black. My collarbones popped out. So did my hip bones. My legs looked boney and wobbly. My eyes, possibly the only thing I like about myself, are bright brown. When I was little, my dad would tell me they were chocolate brown.

I grabbed a towel and dried my body. Once I was dry, I changed into jeans and a short sleeved black shirt. I put on some makeup for the occasion (just lip gloss and a hint of eyeliner), before I met back up with Edward where he was perched watching the TV, still.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Sure."

He offered his arm and I held onto it happily. Edward led me down to the car and even opened the passenger door for me. I took a seat and waited for him to start driving.

The drive to the children's home was long. I tapped my foot, cracked my knuckles and hummed under my breath in anticipation the entire time. A million thoughts were racing my through my head.

What if he _is _here? He won't recognize me. I may not even recognize him. And he wouldn't be able to come home with me. Not right now, at least. I have nothing for a little boy at home. Hell, I'm afraid to step through the doors of my own house.

Then there's the other option, the unthinkable letdown. He isn't there.

I tried to focus on the positives. That Liam is here and we'll be together soon. I'll do whatever I can do to be with my baby boy. I would find a way… beat the odds. Become a single mother. Raise my son. Be happy, and most of all, be free.

Edward pulled into the parking lot. I looked around.

The grass was well-trimmed and flowers bloomed everywhere. I remembered passing by a beach not too long ago. There were a few buildings, each with a sign on them. They looked nice. Lots of big windows with pictures in them, towards the center of the lot, there was a huge playground with slides swings and roundabouts.

I got out of the car and held onto Edward's hand nervously. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze before we stepped through the large wooden doors.

The small office was white, with a wooden desk built into the walls. Plants sat by the front and pictures hung around. There were some kiddy toys sitting by some chairs that were aligned in a square which danced along the room.

A woman stood behind the desk. I walked up to her.

"Hi." I said, clearing my throat.

She looked up from her computer and smiled. "Hi. Welcome to SanD's Children's Home. Can we help you today?"

"Yeah. Um, I have an appointment. I called a little while ago… my name is Isabella Swan."

"Ah. Isabella." She folded her hands. "Well, my name is Lily. I was the one who answered your call, so I already know about your… adventure." We both laughed.

"You can call me Bella. Sorry for the inconvenience."

Lilly rolled her pale blue eyes. "Please. At least you're trying to find your kiddo." She flipped through some paperwork. "Is this your husband?"

I looked over at Edward and bit my lip to stop from laughing. "No, no."

"Sorry. Boyfriend, then?"

This time, I did laugh. "No. He's just a good friend." He gave my hand another squeeze. I hadn't realized we were still holding hands until now. Maybe that's why she thought we were together.

"I'm sorry… again." Lily shook her head. "We have a lot of little boys right now. In fact…" She typed on her computer. "There's one little boy named Liam who is four years old. Would you like to see him?" Lily asked with a tentative smile.

Edward responded for me. I couldn't speak. My words were lost in my throat and the pure shock of it all. Liam, Liam, Liam. The sheer luck of this was too good to be true. This was it. We had found him already!

We followed Lily out of the office and to another building. Inside, you could hear the sound of little boy's running around, their little feet padding on the floor as they ran around playing with their toys.

She told us to wait at the door and then approached a woman who was pouring juice into sippy cups. The woman pointed to a little boy with blonde hair sitting in the corner. She held onto his hand and brought him over.

"This is Liam." She announced.

I looked at the little boy. I was expecting more. I was waiting for the fireworks and the tears and the explosion. But there wasn't any. I studied the little boy's face. His skin was darker than mine and his eyes were gray.

My Liam had brown eyes. I remember them distinctly. The little boy in front of me did not resemble me or his monstrous father.

I then looked for the necklace. Or the teddy bear I gave him. There was no sign of that. But I felt so bad walking away from this little boy. Didn't he deserve a nice, loving mom? A house? Siblings?

I smiled at this Liam and held out my hand. "Hi. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meetchu." He said with a goofy smile on his face. I smiled at how adorable he was. He looked at me with hopeful eyes. "Can I play with trains now?"

"Sure." I said. He took off running towards the toy trucks.

Lily looked at me. "Is that him?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. No." I said in a defeated tone.

She frowned and put her hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. You'll find him. Let me know if I can help you with anything."

"Thank you for your time. I really appreciate it."

"Only doing my job." Lily smiled.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet. Of course the unthinkable letdown had happened. In a way, I knew it would. Our luck simply wouldn't come like that. As much as I wanted it to, I knew deep in my heart that it wouldn't. But I also knew that my baby is out there somewhere and I _will _find him.

But the disappointment of today had me feeling awful. A rush of negative feelings overtook me and I couldn't stop it. My body suddenly felt shaky and my breathing was uneven. I knew what was about to happen, but I couldn't stop it.

When we did make it back to the hotel, I sat on the bed trying not to cry. I was trying not to panic. There was only so much I could do.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked me as he took a seat beside me.

"Yeah." I breathed heavily. "I-I-I … I need some air. I'll be back." I mumbled, grabbed my purse and hurried out the door. Edward didn't bother to follow me. The second I was out of the stuffy hotel room, I leaned against the wall and fumbled around in my purse for my anxiety pills.

I forced two down my throat and slowly fell to the ground. I put my head between my knees and tried to control my breathing. Inhale, exhale. Remember to breathe. Don't close your eyes for too long. Count down from ten slowly.

It took a long time for me to feel at least a little normal - or normal enough to go back into that room. I stood up on wobbly knees and knocked on the white door. It took no more than a second for Edward to open it.

"Sorry about that." I apologized quietly.

"It's okay." He said as I walked back in and took a seat on the bed. "Anxiety attacks are common."

"Who told you about my anxiety attacks?!" I felt my heart thud against my chest even faster than before. I don't like people knowing about my problem. It's embarrassing. And it makes me feel even more vulnerable than I already am.

"Shh, Bella, calm down." Edward told me and slowly took a seat next to me. He put his hand over mine. "I've known for years."

"How in the hell?!"

"First of all, I've been your friend for years. And after you were ra - "I flinched and he quickly caught himself. "After _what happene__d_..." Edward paused "You were a little more jumpy than usual. Even for someone who was attacked. So, I kind of knew that something was up all along. But it was your dad who told me. He said that I need to be careful around you and that I should help calm you down."

I was quiet for a moment. "Why you?" I finally asked.

He shrugged. "I guess because we've always been inseparable."

I nodded in agreement and rested my head against his shoulder. His skin felt cool against mine. It felt good. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go, to take in his sweet scent and to feel safe and warm while I lay against his chest.

Rather than fulfilling my stupid little fantasy, I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. This would suffice for now.

"Feeling any better?" He asked me again while he ran his hand up and down my back slowly.

"A little." I whispered.

He knew I was lying. "Why don't we get out of here?"

"And go where?"

"Well, I hear that California has some nice beaches and some exceptionally fantastic wine."

I agreed to leave the hotel. A little fresh air wouldn't do anymore. I asked for half an hour to clean myself up and he said that I could use that too. Edward sat nicely on the bed while I grabbed my bag of toiletries and escaped to the bathroom.

I watched my stress drip down the drain and I was happy about that, even though I knew that it wouldn't be long before it found its way back to me. But it was gone for now and that was enough to put a smile on my face.

I showered until there was no more hot water left and quickly dried myself off.

"Dammit." I muttered when I realized that I had left my clothes in the room. I reluctantly creaked the door open and poked my head out. "Promise not to laugh, okay?"

"Why would I laugh?" His voice chimed.

"You know what… just close your eyes."

"Close my eyes? Why would I do that?"

"Do it, please." I gritted between my teeth.

"Well, only because you said please…."

I gave him a minute. "Are they closed?"

"Yes ma'am."

"_Are you sure_?"

"Yes. I can't see a thing. You could walk through here naked and I wouldn't even know."

I bit my lip to stop from laughing before I tightened the towel around my chest and hurried into the room. I unzipped the suitcase and pulled out the first thing I could get my hands on, before I ran back into the bathroom. Mission accomplished.

"You can open now!" I called to him as I hooked my bra on.

"That was quick."

"It was." I pulled the black skater dress over my head and flattened it out. When I packed this, I had planned on wearing tights and boots with it, but the weather was nice tonight, especially for December. 72 degrees with the sun fully set.

I opened the bathroom door to let some steam out and started yanking a brush through my tangled hair. I hope that he doesn't mind if my hair is a little wet. Maybe I could use the blow dryer to speed it up. Then I'd have to do my makeup. Dark lips… black eyeliner… that's how he always liked me doing it…

"I'm sorry I'm taking so long." My words were rushed. I sounded like I was in a panic. "I'll be done soon… I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry…"

He came up behind me as I ranted my apologies. He grabbed my arm and I froze, staring at up him with terror in my eyes. He then grabbed the brush from my hand and set it down on the counter.

"Silly Bella." Edward chuckled. "I don't care about your hair. Let's just go spend some time together, alright? I've never seen you do your hair like that before. I think all of this is beginning to go to your head."

I laughed. I had to remind myself that this is Edward, not Jacob. Edward doesn't care if I wear some short dress out to dinner or not. He doesn't care about my hair looking flawless, or my makeup being perfect. He's nothing like _him_.

"Okay." I took a deep breath and nodded my head. "Sorry. Let's just go to the beach."

He held up his hand and smiled, his green eyes filled with happiness. "Madame…"

I smiled and put my hand in his. He held it up high before he spun me around in a small twirl and led me out of the door. Our hotel was, luckily, not too far away from the beach, so we walked down together.

At eight o'clock, the beach was empty. It was like a ghost town - beach balls abandoned by red, white and yellow umbrellas. As soon as we stepped onto the glistening white sand, I kicked my shoes off by the wooden deck and ran out towards the waves to dip my feet in. Edward ran towards me and was by my side in a matter of seconds.

The ocean sparkled in the dark night. The way the moon reflected against the shore was gorgeous and the soft crashing of the waves was enough to relax me for a lifetime. I closed my eyes and held my arms out wide for the entire world to see.

I suddenly felt a pair of hands on my waist and I gasped quietly, my eyes flying open.

"Jesus." I breathed, my hand going to my heart. "I didn't see you there."

When he laughed, his breath swirled by my ear. My heart skipped a beat at how close Edward was to me. I tried to shake it off. He wrapped his arms so tightly around me and yet so casually that his hands overlapped each other.

We stood like this for a while, just enjoying each other's company in the moonlight.

I swayed back and forth and he moved along with me like a rhythm. The harmony and a melody. A beat and a drum. One simply couldn't go without the other.

"Edward." I said quietly.

"Mmm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

I somehow managed to turn around so I was facing him. He put his hands back on my hips and I looked up at him with hopeful, brown eyes. "Thank you for coming out here with me and helping me find Liam."

"We still haven't found him yet."

"I know. But I just wanted to say thank you."

"Well, you're most very welcome."

I kissed him on the cheek. I don't know why. It felt like the natural thing to do. His eyes widened in shock and I pulled away to put my feet back in the water. I couldn't get over how warm it felt. Maybe I would live here one day.

"Where's that wine you were talking about earlier?" I finally asked.

"Oh." Edward cleared his throat. "Well, there's a bar somewhere along the beach if you want to find it." There was something off in his voice. He sounded nervous.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I started down the long stretch of the beach.

"Nothing is wrong, but Bella - "

"Don't try to change the conversation. I know when something is - "

"But you're going the wrong way. The bar is this way." Edward said, pointing in the opposite direction from where I was heading.

"Oh."

My cheeks felt bright red as I ran towards Edward and started walking in the _right _direction now. We walked in silence for a while, the only sound was the soft padding of our bare feet against the sand.

"So, you never answered my question."

"About what?"

"Are you okay?" I repeated myself and waited for his answer.

"Is who okay?"

"… you."

"What?"

"Are you okay?!"

"Wait, where?"

"Here! Right now! Edward!" I hit him in the shoulder. "Stop!"

"Stop what?"

I groaned loudly and threw my hands up in defeat. Curse you, Edward Cullen and you're amazing tactics at escaping awkward conversations. He laughed at me and bumped his shoulder against mine.

"You know I'm only messing with you, Bella."

"Like always."

He grinned. "It's a habit."

"God, I know it is. You're giving me a headache. Where is that wine again?"

Edward pointed. "It's right up there. No more than a five minutes' walk."

We strolled along the beach until we reached the bar. It was small and surprisingly clean and empty. Music softly hummed in the distance as we walked in and took a seat on one of the red bar stools.

The bartender came over and asked what the both of us would like. I asked for a Chardonnay. Edward asked for the same thing. He poured us both a glass and then pushed them our way. I took a sip of mine and let out a long sigh.

"So, what's the plan for tomorrow?" Edward asked me for the second time today.

"Sleep. And caffeine." If only. I've never been one to sleep in. Expect for this morning - that was a rare exception.

"We'll definitely add that one to the agenda." He winked at me as I took another sip of my wine. "What time did you want to head out of here?"

Chicago is our next stop which means that Edward and I will be in the car for God knows how long, traveling halfway across the country together.

"I don't know, maybe about ten?" That would give us time to wake up, shower, pack everything and leave. We're going to need to get on the road as soon as we can if we want to make it there at a decent time. Chicago is _really_ far away from San Diego. I was afraid to look at exactly how far.

"Sounds good to me." Edward agreed calmly.

I took a sip from my glass then put it down on the counter. I need to drink more caffeine tomorrow. My headaches are massive when I have less than two cups of tea a day. And the amount of stress this road trip is putting me in is not helping.

Wine will have to do for now.

Edward and I talked for forever. I drank my wine slowly and he drank his. It was nice, because for once I didn't have to count the number of drinks he ordered.

I always had to do that with Jacob. He never knew how to control himself when we went out for drinks. One drink turned to three and three was suddenly six. Before I knew it, his words were slurred and he was picking fights with random guys. Provoking them and being his obnoxious self.

He didn't listen to me when I told him to stop. He told me to shut up. He said that he could handle it. Ever since he started getting us kicked out of bars, I stopped going with him. I refused. But even at home, I counted the number of drinks he had and worried. I always worried.

But with Edward, I don't have to. It was such a refreshing relief, not needing to worry about the number of drinks Edward consumed.

We sat and talked in the bar until it was closing time. In other words, late. Very late. I paid this time; he had already paid for the hotel and escaped back onto the silent beach.

I felt warm inside. But most importantly, I felt happy. So happy, in fact, that I danced along the beach. It may have been the wine kicking in, but I didn't care. It was nice feeling like this again.

Edward ran up beside me and smiled his iconic crooked smile.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He shook his head, still smiling. "Nothing at all."

I raised my eyebrow, but continued to do as I was doing. I felt his eyes on me as I swayed my hips back and forth slowly and hummed to myself.

"Will you dance with me?" He suddenly blurted out.

"Here?"

Edward nodded shyly.

"Well, sure." I agreed and walked over to him. Edward put one hand on my hip and held my hand with the other. We twirled around in a small circle, rocking back and forth with each precious step like the sand was as delicate as my broken heart.

He hummed softly in my ear. His voice was like music. I rested my head against his shoulder and listened as Edward sang his song…

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_Now even if it's perfect, I can't get carried away, and motivate my tongue in twisted ways. It felt like a good night for dancing in the moonlight in empty streets. Well, everybody's got a reason why if we could only just get it right._

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**I'm really close to one hundred reviews. Thirteen away. Thirteen is my lucky number. So… want to help me get there? I would really mean the world to me! Even if you don't, thanks for checking out this chapter. (:**

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


	10. I Need Your Love

**It's been a really long time since I've updated. And I'm really sorry about that. Honestly, there's no excuse except for that I've been busy and lazy! I finally got around to updating, though. (:  
(****And I'm asking that you guys keep the Boston Marathon runners, family, and friends in your thoughts while you read this. I'm a runner so that was a big deal to me.)**

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_BPOV_

"_30 hours_?"

"I hope you're comfortable because we're going to be in here for a long time." He had stretched out the 'o' in long for emphasis.

That's how we began our road trip this morning. We were up just as we had planned and were even out of the door ahead of time. And yet, here we are: lost, abandoned and in the middle of absolute nowhere!

I held out the huge map of the U.S. in my hands and struggled to turn it the right way. Edward had tried to get smart with the directions and took us twenty miles away from society and in the middle of _nowhere_. We were so far out that the GPS had us in "unknown territory," which is never a good sign.

"Uh…" I turned the map around again. Edward flinched as the paper scratched his cheek.

"You're holding it backwards."

"Shut up! I know what I'm doing!"

He sighed heavily.

"Hey. Don't get mad at me. We wouldn't be in this mess if you would have listened to the God dammed GPS!"

Edward grimaced at me and got out of the car, like he always does when he gets angry. I pushed the door open and dropped the stupid map onto the ground. It was useless to me. I'd never been taught how to use a map before.

He paced back and forth on the empty road with his hands over his head. I could sense his frustration. I was irritated too. We had to be at least an hour away from any kind of civilization, and there was absolutely no sign of any houses, or even people for that matter. We hadn't passed another car since the interstate.

"I get that you're pissed, but that's really not my fault."

_He threw them to the ground and grabbed my wrists._

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Bella. Stop."

_His grip on my wrists tightened. I could feel his nails digging into my skin and my bones growing weaker as he grew stronger. He pulled me against him, my arms acting as the barrier between our chests._

"Why? You're the one who got us in - "

"Would you just _shut the hell up_? I'm trying to think." Edward yelled at me.

_He spun me around and pushed me so hard my head slammed against the wall. I winced and my head immediately stung and throbbed. I could feel the beating of my heart in my ears. He gripped my shoulders now and slammed me against the wall again. He did it so hard this time that I fell in a heap onto the floor._

"Please don't hit me!" I found myself screaming and hiding my face into my shaking hands, while I cringed away in fear. I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed deeply. A thick silence washed us. Edward froze in front of me. I peeked at him between my fingers and saw him standing there in shock.

I took a step back from him.

"Oh." I breathed and took another step away. "I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't…"

He stared at me with a pained expression written all over his perfect features. His eyes were full of pity. Pity for me. Pity for what happened. Pity for everything.

"I just need a minute." I whispered, and turned around, heading for the car. I fumbled around in my purse for my anxiety pills, but before I could get to them I found myself leaning against the silver car and sliding down to the ground with my head in between my knees.

I took deep breaths as I tried to calm myself down. Everything was spinning and it made the entire world was blurred. I couldn't see straight. No matter how many times I've been through this, I can never seem to get used to my anxiety attacks. They scare the hell out of my every day.

I couldn't get out an even breath. I heaved and gasped. My hands shook. Tears brimmed the edge of my eyes as everything flashed back, his hand against my cheeks, leaving them red and stinging. His rough touch. Forcing himself on me. I shook my head as I tried to fight back the memories. They were all too vivid in my mind.

When Edward walked around to my side of the car, I instantly wished he hadn't. I was a mess. I didn't want anyone near me. But he knelt in front of me and grabbed both of my hands.

"Bella." He said my name and wiped the tears away from my eyes with his thumb. "You're okay. I… I would never hurt you like that."

I stared at him and breathed shakily. My words were lost in my throat.

Edward picked up the bottle of anxiety pills and put two into my hand. I looked at him for a little while longer before I managed to drop them into my mouth. I swallowed them dry. Edward winced at that. Normally I would have laughed - but not today.

We sat there together for a long time, long enough for my eyes to feel puffy and swollen and for my breathing to slowly go back to normal. My heart echoed in my ears as its beating slowed, too.

Edward grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Are you ready to get going?" Not that we even had a clue where we were going yet.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am." My voice sounded thick and stuffy, but I didn't care. Edward helped me back up to my feet and slid his arm around my waist and helped me back into the passenger seat.

He opened the door and even helped me sit down. I moved slower than molasses as I buckled in my seatbelt. I sometimes feel like this after a really bad attack. They make me feel so tired when I cry as hard as I just did, and now that my world is no longer spinning, standing straight on my feet feels odd.

I rested my head against the back of the leather seat and let the California sun shine on my skin. I'll admit that it felt amazing, especially being so used to sunless Seattle.

Edward started the car back up and started driving towards the blue highlighted line that was supposed to be our route. He'd have to do it by himself since we were still in "unknown territory."

At least this would give me a little time to sleep - though sleeping in a car isn't my idea of a good night's sleep. I don't think it's anyone's idea of a good night's sleep, actually.

But it wasn't a problem for me today. I closed my eyes and within seconds I had dozed off to a warm and happy place where nothing bad could happen. Sometimes I like dreaming better than real life. At times, reality can be a terrible place to be.

I felt like I had only just closed my eyes when I opened them again. The sun was still blaring through the windows and Edward was humming along quietly to the radio that played softly throughout the car. I sat up and wiped my eyes, trying to stretch my cramped and stiff arms, but failing. There wasn't enough room.

"We made it back to society!" He looked over at me and laughed. "Did you sleep alright? You looked like you were dead."

I rolled my shoulders and checked the time on my phone. Only a few hours had passed since our unplanned pit stop. My heart sunk. I was hoping we would have been at least a little further than that.

"Yeah. I did." I cleared my throat and flipped down the sun visor to look in the mirror. I was disgusted by what I saw. My skin was sickly pale and the dark bags underneath my eyes were terrible. My brown eyes were red and swollen from crying so much and my hair was a tangled mess.

"Eck." I cried in response.

"I didn't want to say anything, but…" He teased me and I hit him in the arm.

"You suck." I mumbled.

"Suck what?"

"Okay. We're done with this conversation." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. Edward chuckled from beside me and flipped his indicator on to take the next exit. I looked out of the window and admired the pretty blue beaches and the cloudless sky. California is gorgeous; so much better than rainy old Seattle.

We drove down a road with about ten different gas stations, strip malls and tons of fast food joints. I was surprised when Edward pulled into the parking lot of a Steak N' Shake and yanked the key out of the ignition.

"Come on." Edward said when he saw my face. Fast food is not my thing. "It's okay to splurge every once in a while." Edward encouraged me and pushed his door open. I followed in his footsteps, though nowhere near as confident as him.

I haven't eaten fast food since high school. The smell was familiar - as much as I hated to admit it, salty french fries always taste good. So do burgers and milkshakes. But I'm used to cooking at home. Jacob and I never went out. And even then, I never ate much. He always ate most of the food, and he would get mad if I went home and wasted time making more food. He thought it was a waste of my time and food.

Edward walked close to me. So close that our hands brushed. It reminded me of last night when we strolled down the beach together. Just thinking about that memory made the butterflies in my stomach fly.

He held the door open for me and as soon as I walked in I was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of fast food. Someone behind the counter welcomed us and I let Edward stand in front of me in the line.

"What are you ordering?" I asked.

"Personally… I'm starved. So I'm getting a burger." His emerald eyes scanned the menu. "Oh, and large fries and a milkshake! That's the best."

"Like… _together_?"

His jaw dropped. "You've never dipped a fry in a milkshake?" I shook my head slowly and he gasped a little. His reaction to my lack of eating fast food was adorable. He seemed so surprised! "I'm a failure of a best friend. You're trying it today. Okay?"

I giggled a little. "Okay, if you're so sure."

I ordered the same thing as him just to be sure. I figured that if he liked it, then I would too. We waited for them to hand us the food and once they did, we both slid into a small booth and sat side by side.

I grabbed the milkshake and twirled the straw around a few times. I don't even remember the last time I had a milkshake. Probably in high school, sophomore year, maybe? I tried to think back in my head.

When Edward and I first got our licenses, we drove all over the place together. We literally did everything together. Drive-in-movies, late night grocery store runs, staying at Target until closing time… those are some of my favorite memories that we shared.

Back then, awkward was what we were and growing up seemed like years away. I didn't realize how little time we had left of just being kids. Thinking about it now made me realize that maybe every once in a while, all you need is a day like today.

Edward pulled the lid off of his milkshake. I copied him, watching as he grabbed a fry. He held it up and grinned.

"Ready?"

I nodded, and felt a smile creeping on my face.

"One… two…"

"Three!" We both yelled together, dipping the fry into the milkshake and throwing it into our mouths. The fry was hot and salty against my dry lips, but the taste was delicious. My taste buds had forgotten how great fries taste. But it was the creaminess and coolness of the milkshake that made it well worth it.

I swallowed and looked at Edward, who was waiting for my reaction.

"It's really good!" I said, covering my mouth as I finished chewing.

He poked me playfully in the side and grinned once more. "I knew you'd like it."

I ate most of the fries and milkshake, but only took a few bites of the burger. It was too heavy for me. It made my stomach heave even thinking about putting it into my mouth. I tried not to look over at Edward in disgust as he devoured his.

"You know," he began. "There used to be a time when you actually _liked_ burgers from here."

"Ha-ha." I laughed.

"Really." Edward said just as he finished another bite. "What happened to that? You would eat a burger in sixty seconds flat. I believe we crowned you burger queen one time."

"Nothing." I answered immediately. My voice sounded defensive. Edward raised his eyebrow and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "… nothing." I tried again, trying to sound less protective of my words.

He looked as though he was going to say something, but, instead, sighed and looked at me meaningfully. "Okay. Fine. I understand if you don't want to talk about it. I respect that." I felt the twinge of pain in his voice. Not from me not telling him, but from knowing that something bad had happened.

He piled all of the trash onto the tray and carried it to the trashcan. When he came back, he put his wallet into his pocket. "Ready to go? We have a long drive ahead of us."

I stayed in my seat and looked down at the table. "No, Edward, wait… I…" I bit my lip. How do I put this? How do I tell him? It was almost funny to be confessing something so huge in a place so laid back. It almost didn't feel right. "I have something to tell you." My voice was low now; barely audible beneath the hum of the restaurant.

Edward froze. It took him a minute to realize the seriousness of the discussion. He slowly slid back into the booth and turned to look at me. I couldn't meet his gaze. It was too embarrassing, too humiliating.

"It started after I found out I was pregnant." My voice was quiet. "One month and fourteen days after."

I told him about the first time he hit me. I remembered how sad I had been. Everyone tried to talk to me, but I didn't talk to them. I was a body with no soul. I was empty. Telling him this felt strange. The words had never come off my lips before.

Pity washed over him again when I told him. His demeanor completely changed when I told him about how it felt to be hit. How I felt like I deserved it. That it was my fault. But I didn't want him to feel sorry. I was tired of people pitying me. I just wanted him to listen.

I didn't just tell him about the hitting. I told him about everything.

His temper was awful. He'd blow up if something wasn't done right. Late dinner meant he would push me against a wall. Going out with friends for too long was a kick in the shins. I showed him a scar on my neck from the time he grabbed my hair so hard clumps fell out that night in the shower.

He wanted me small. He told me not to eat as much anymore. He told me I was fat. He wanted me to wear tons of makeup and keep my hair long and wear the little black dresses he bought me out for dinner.

The sex was relentless. It didn't matter if I wanted to or not. He made me. He forced himself onto me. Most nights I went along with it so he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't want to be thrown around like a rag doll, but what choice did I have?

I wasn't a person to him. I was his… doll. He controlled me. And the worst part is that I let him get away with it.

"It was my fault." I whispered when I had finally finished. Edward was staring at me with wide green eyes. His pale hands were clenched into fists and he looked as though he were choking on his words. "I don't expect you to say anything. I just needed to tell someone… I'm sorry." I whispered, and got up from the table. I walked out to the car and took a deep breath.

Edward was only seconds behind me. He called my name and gently grabbed my wrist. I stopped in mid-stride as he spun me around to face him. He was close - closer than he was in my room just three days ago.

"Bella. It's not your fault. It was _never_ your fault." He ranted. He grabbed my hands and held them tightly. "If anything it's my fault. I should have realized this. I-I… I didn't know how bad it was. I'm so sorry."

"You can't blame yourself for something you didn't know. I shouldn't have - "

"Stop. You need to stop dumping all of this on yourself." His voice sounded as though it would crack at any moment. His words were painfully honest. My chest was tight and his was too. I could feel it against mine.

"You can't blame yourself for what he did. He hit you. He made you feel bad about yourself. He destroyed you. I know that hurts… I know that that's not easy to get over. But, Bella… I love you and I don't want you to hurt anymore."

_He loved me._

They were simple words, simply three words. But three words that meant so much. Those were the words that I begged Jacob to say and begged him to really mean.

I wanted to scream it back at him. My heart was ready to burst out of my chest at any moment and bring him into my arms. I wanted him so badly. I wanted to love him and I wanted him to love me back.

I ignored my pleading heart and nodded. He was right.

It's not going to be easy mending my heart break. I'm an emotional wreck. My anxiety attacks hurt me almost daily. Time is all I need, even though I feel like it refuses to go by. It's like I'm stuck in the seconds and minutes that won't pass.

My arms found their way around him. He held me there like he would never let go. I pressed my head against his chest and breathed slowly. He calmed me better than any kind of medicine ever did - he wasn't something to rely on. He was always there.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"You don't need to thank me." He said softly.

"Yes I do." I said. "For everything. You've always been there for me."

He didn't let go.

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_I need your love, I need your time. When everything's wrong, you make it right. I feel so high, I come alive. I need to be free with you tonight. I need your love_

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**Review, please? Thanks for 100 reviews - what a lovely late birthday present! **

**Xoxo,  
****Halley.**


	11. I'm Gonna Find You

**Long time no see! Thanks for all of the reviews last chapter. That was so fantastic to hear from all of you. This is a shorter chapter. Hopefully good enough to catch your attention. **

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__

JPOV

The music was blasting, alcohol burning and the wind was roaring as I zoomed past the "WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA" sign. I glanced over at it in my rearview mirror. This meant I was one state closer to my Bella.

I hadn't slowed down since I left Seattle. My speed had only increased. I was definitely pushing the limit on the car. I don't even know how fast it'll go. Right now I'm at 115 - so far, so good.

I knew exactly where I was going. The Embassy Suites where they had stopped at the other night. She hasn't made any other purchases since then, which makes it harder for me to find where the hell she is. Hopefully still at the hotel, where I can find her and drag her back home.

Thinking about that enraged me. I still couldn't believe the nerve she had to up and leave me like that. My fingernails gripped into the leather steering wheel and my foot inched further down on the accelerator.

Driving as fast as I did cut the travel time in half, which was great for me. Instead of eighteen hours, it took me around nine. I didn't stop once and I never once slowed down. It was glorious to cruise down the highway without a care in the goddamn world.

I pulled into the first open parking space and yanked the keys out of the ignition. I checked the gas and winced. Ten more miles and I'd have been done.

I stormed up to the front desk and slammed the picture of Bella onto it. "Have you seen this woman?" I asked, not even bothering to say anything else. I didn't have time for small talk. This was serious.

The woman standing there looked at me with frightened eyes, as she slowly grabbed it with her fingers and stared at it.

The picture is one of my favorites. It's the picture of us on New Year's a long time ago… before any of this shit happened. Before she was depressed. When she was still happy and fun to be around.

In the picture, Bella is smiling. The room is dark, but the flash is bright and there's a blur of people behind her. She's wearing a long sleeved black shirt with a sparkling black skirt. Her hair is long and curly, and she's holding a red drink in her hand.

The girl shook her head and slid it back to me. "Sorry… no… I-I haven't seen her."

"Are you _sure_?"

"I'm sure." She said quickly. "But, I can get some of the workers from the other night to check."

I nodded my head gruffly and she quickly scattered off to the back room with the picture in her hand. While she was gone, I paced around the room and closed my watery eyes. They felt so heavy. I felt like I could pass out on the floor at any second.

Maybe I'd get a room here. It was a start. Obviously Bella had been here. It was just a matter of if the dumb ass employees remember her or not.

I tapped my foot impatiently and returned to the counter, where I tattered my fingers against the black marble. A few minutes later, the girl came back with a friend by her side.

"So?" I said.

"I saw her." The second girl said. She stepped forward and slid the picture back to me. "She came in really late one night."

"Two days ago." I mumbled to myself.

"Mhm. She looked really tired.

"Was she alone?" I asked.

The girl shook her head. "No she was with this guy… he… he was really tall. Well, maybe not as tall as you, but tall. He was sort of pale. That's all I remember. Sorry."

I looked down at the picture. Standing next to her, with his shoulder to the camera, was the exact boy she described. _Cullen_. I snatched the picture and shoved it back into my pocket, then pulled out my wallet. I handed my credit card to the woman.

"I'm going to need a room." I said. "The same room that girl checked into."

"Um…" The second girl said. I read her name tag. Liana. She was actually kind of pretty. Her skin was sun-kissed, and glowed. Her hair was long and obviously died red, but it looked nice against her pale eyes. "Sorry. I can't tell you what room she checked into. But I _can _get you another room." Liana was already typing on the computer to search for available rooms.

"No. I want that room." I said sternly. "I need it."

"I'm sorry, sir - "

"What's it going to take me to let you give me that room?" I interrupted her. I was desperate. I needed to see if there were any hints as to where she was headed next. The credit card wasn't fast enough. I needed something else.

Liana's eyes darted around the room before she looked at me and bit her lip seductively. "Well…" Her voice dropped an octave and she leaned in closer against the desk. She didn't have to say anymore. I knew what she wanted.

"Tonight at ten," I agreed. That would give me enough time to search and even go around and ask other people if they had seen her. I'd check all of the book stores and all of the coffee shops after this. I'd check everywhere just to find her.

"Room 216." Liana grinned. "Enjoy your stay."

Oh, I would.

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**There's a little review button below…. I think you should click on it. ;)(If you have any questions about the story, my writing, or anything, feel free to message me or follow me on twitter halleybrown13!)**

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


	12. Hurricane

**Talk about a long wait for an update! Sorry guys. You don't even know how busy I am right now. But… it's all over now because my SUMMER just started! I should be able to update more now. (: Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Trying to make it a long one since I haven't updated in a while, but we'll see how it turns out.**

_BPOV_

"Try it."

I shook my head. "No. There is no way in hell that I'm going to try that."

Edward pushed it towards me. "Just try it!"

I stared at the cup of coffee in front of me. Steam danced through the lid and I could already smell the god-awful scent wafting towards me. My nose scrunched up and when I picked it up and brought it to my lips I gagged.

"Now you're just being dramatic."

"Um no, I'm not." I pushed it towards him. "I just hate coffee. And besides, tea is better for you anyway. There's a lot of health benefits." I picked up my own hot cup of tea and took a sip for effect.

"Tea isn't bad." Edward agreed, taking a sip from his own cup, mimicking my own actions. "But I'm a coffee drinker." I shrugged my shoulders, showing my indifference to the conversation.

It's four o'clock in the morning and Edward and I only have another three hours left in our trip to Chicago. With so little time left in the car, it seemed almost stupid to stop, but there was no way that either of us would be able to keep our eyes open without caffeine. I was proud that we had made it through the night.

I'm excited to go to Chicago. It's one of those places that I've always wanted to go to, but never have. It sounds so beautiful and so lively. Like Seattle with just a little more energy. I can't wait to see what it looks like at night. I want to see all of the tall skyscrapers and The Great Lakes and _everything_. My top priority is still Liam, but even if we don't find him here, I wouldn't mind spending an extra day in the windy city.

We didn't say much more as we drank. The café was empty and it almost felt wrong to talk any more than we already had. Outside of the windows, it was pitch black and the guy behind the counter didn't look happy to be here.

Once we were ready to go, we ran to the car. Literally, ran. The weather here was already brutal. I could hardly walk through the piercing winds and wet snow that whipped at my face. I quickly rubbed my hands together when we had reached the car and blew on them in an attempt to warm myself up. Edward turned the car on and immediately and cranked the heat up as high as it would go.

"Oh my god." I mumbled to myself. "It's so cold." I shook my head and put my hands in front of the air vents. I'd have to get my gloves from the suitcase later. "This puts Seattle to shame…"

"Definitely." Edward agreed.

It took a minute for the car to warm up before we started driving. Once we did get back on the road, I was extremely tempted to curl back up in my seat and fall asleep, but I was trying to keep Edward awake. I'd hardly driven this entire trip.

I plugged in my iPod to the sound system and chose some upbeat music. The bass thumped in the back and the electric sounds were enough to keep you listening. Even though it wasn't blasting, or even playing loudly for that matter, it helped a little. The caffeine also helped. Holding up a conversation was the hard part. You'd be surprised at the lack of desire to talk at three in the morning.

"So," I said groggily. "Um…"

"Umm?" His voice sounded thick with sleep as well.

I laughed. "I don't know. What do you want to talk about?"

"Uh, I don't know. How about…. Australia?"

"Australia? Okay. Um. Well I've always wanted to go there. I've heard they have kangaroos." Edward looked over at me for a long moment, before we both started laughing. "Oh, god. How much longer do we have again?"

Edward was stilling laughing. "Kangaroos…" He shook his head.

"Hey! Leave me alone! It's not even light outside yet."

"I could still do better than that."

"Okay. Go."

"Australia… beaches, the outback, Sydney…." He listed things off. "Surfing, cool accents… and well, of course, kangaroos." Edward teased and I rolled my eyes. This was going to be a very long three hours.

And it was. Trying to keep Edward awake so he wouldn't crash us into the nearest tree was next to impossible, mostly because I was ready to fall asleep too. And it wasn't like there was a lot going on, on the interstate at this time in the morning. Maybe the occasional "bush cat," but nothing more.

Needless to say, by the time we finally pulled into the hotel, we were dead on our feet. All I wanted to do was sleep for the rest of the day, but since stupid me had scheduled the children's home appointment for today, that wouldn't be possible.

Tonight, though, I would sleep wonderfully. And tomorrow, I planned on sleeping in and maybe even spending the day in Chicago. Once I make sure Edward wants to as well, but I figure that it shouldn't be a problem.

I'm sure that we both made some heads turn by the way we looked. I knew my hair was crazy because Edward's was too and I have a lot more hair than him. About ten times more.

"Hi. Welcome to the Holiday Inn." The woman at the desk greeted us. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah. Reservation under Swan." I said and slid my credit card and ID forward. She took it and I rested my head on Edward's shoulder. I could have fallen asleep just like this.

I heard her swipe it twice. "Um, I'm sorry. This doesn't seem to be working… do you have another card?"

"Ugh. Again?" I groaned, and fumbled around for another card. I handed her the first one my hand touched. She swiped it and it worked. I took it back from her and slid it back into my purse.

"Room 455. Have a nice stay."

Edward mumbled a quick "thank you" and we both walked very groggily up the stairs. My eyes were hardly open and my body felt light as a feather. Once we got into the room, I changed into something a little more comfortable and fell onto the bed. I didn't even notice Edward getting ready for bed, because for the next nine hours, I was completely out.

But when I woke up the room was dark and cold. I opened my eyes and stared ahead at the empty bed and felt around for Edward, who had been lying down next to me earlier. He was nowhere to be found. Feeling a little panicked, I sat up and turned the bedside lamp on.

Despite the frigidness of the room, I hopped out of bed and checked the bathroom, which I also found to be empty. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled it up on top of my head, breathing deeply as I thought about where he could be.

I pulled out my phone and tried reaching him that way, but my call wouldn't go through. I checked the signal, which was strong and tried again, with no luck. I tried sending a text instead. No matter how many times I tried, it wouldn't send.

"What the hell?" I said to myself in a whisper.

I turned it off and charged it, hoping that that was the problem. While I waited for my phone to work, I wandered around the hotel in hopes of finding Edward. He wasn't downstairs getting coffee and he wasn't lounging around in the lobby. The pool was closed, dark and there was absolutely no sign of him anywhere.

I tapped my fingers against the glass window and thought about where he could have gone. This wasn't like Edward to disappear. I opened my eyes and looked ahead, peering into the gym. There were a few people lifting weights, and one guy on the treadmill. I did a double take and squinted a little harder. The one guy on the treadmill had bronze hair like a penny, and pale skin.

_Edward._

I stormed into the gym and stood by the side of the treadmill. I watched him as he ran. His collarbones pushed back as he ran and his muscles stretched with every long stride of his creamy legs. If only all men looked like that when they ran - it was attractive.

It took him a minute to realize I was standing there. When he did, he raised his eyebrows and pressed a button on the treadmill, his pace slowly coming to a stop. He grabbed the towel that was draped across the machine and wiped his hands and face.

"Hey." He said breathlessly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?!" I practically screamed, hitting him in the arm.

He took a few more deep breathes and stepped off of the treadmill. "First of all, _ow. _Hasn't anyone ever told you that it's not nice to hit?"

"It's not funny." I growled between my teeth. A few people in the gym were staring, but I didn't care. I knew how irrational I was acting, but at this point, I could care less. I felt angry that he had left me without any warning.

"Hey, hey." Edward put two sweaty hands on either side of my arms. "You need to relax."

"I can't relax when you just disappear like that! How do I know that something didn't happen to you?" My body was shaking. My chest felt funny, like my heart was about to jump out. I breathed heavily.

"Bella." He whispered. "Calm down… it's okay. I'm not hurt. I was at the gym for god sake."

"How was I supposed to know that?" I snapped.

Edward sighed. "You need to chill. I get that you're stressed and that you're going through a lot, but you don't have to take that out on me. I'm the one trying to help you here. I'm the one who's 2,000 miles away from my family on Christmas."

"At least you know where your family is." I retorted. "Because mine's pretty fucked up right now."

"It's no - "

"Don't even start that with me, Edward. My mom left when I was a baby, my boyfriend beat me and I have no idea where my son is." My voice dropped. "If that isn't fucked up, then what is?"

Edward paused for a moment. I tried to control my breathing. The people in the gym stared at us while they slowly lifted their weights like we were some kind of soap opera. I looked up at the ceiling, already feeling the tears burning my eyes.

He stepped a little closer, and dropped his voice. He obviously didn't want everyone else in the gym hearing our conversation any longer. "Fine. I get that your family is screwed up. But don't take it out me. I'm at the _gym _for god sake. I'm not in my car driving away. You need to calm the hell out."

"N -"

Edward kept talking. "Because if you can't get yourself together, there's no way you're going to be able to take care of Liam." He paused. "You're emotionally unstable."

"Fuck you." I breathed shakily and stormed out of the gym. My arms were wrapped around my chest, holding back the heavy heaves that tried to escape. I didn't make eye contact with anyone else as I walked through the busy hotel, but I felt their eyes on me.

I slammed the door closed when I got into the room and paced around. I sat onto the bed and pulled my shoes off of my feet, then wandered into the bathroom, where I splashed cool water onto my face. I looked up at myself in the mirror.

I saw my big brown eyes and messy brown hair that was still thrown up on my head. My face was pale, but there was an obvious redness in my cheeks from my sudden outburst. I looked a little closer and saw more than just my physical features. I noticed how disgustingly thin I was. My collarbones popped without me even trying, and my cheek bones were noticeable behind my skin. My skin was pale, and my eyes had years and years of pain hidden behind the chocolate brown.

Maybe Edward was right. Maybe I am an emotionally unstable.

My eyes flickered towards my anxiety pills - the pills that I desperately needed, but desperately didn't want. I grabbed them in my hand and popped the lid. I stared down at the little white pills. I walked into the bathroom and stood over the toilet. I let out a deep breath and watched as they fell into the water. I flushed the toilet, and placed the bottle back on the counter.

I checked the time. I only had an hour until the appointment at the children's home. I wanted to wait for Edward (wanted to see if things had cooled down), but there wasn't time for that. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him anyway.

I cleaned myself up the best I could. I rinsed my face again, brushed through my hair, and changed into jeans, boots, a long sleeved shirt, gloves, a hat _and _a winter coat. I looked a lot better on the outside, but I couldn't say the same for the inside.

Once I was ready, I grabbed my stuff and headed back out towards the Volvo. I expected bad traffic, but this was ridiculous compared to Seattle! Cars were honking, snow was falling and people were yelling. I was a little shocked at the chaos. As beautiful as it seems, I don't know if I could live here.

With the traffic being as bad as it was, it took me a good fifty minutes to drive six miles. Rush hour isn't a good time to schedule an appointment for and living in Seattle, I should have known that. But despite that, I made it with a good five minutes to spare.

There was a man behind the desk. I read his name tag as Max. "Hi." I said, awkwardly shuffling my feet. "I have an appointment for six."

Max smiled at me and looked down at his computer. "Name, please?"

"Bella." I cleared my throat. "Or, um, Isabella. Whichever is in the system."

"Last name?"

"Oh, yeah. Swan."

He looked at his screen for a while and hummed to himself as he did. I watched nervously, suddenly very anxious to know if my little boy was here or not. My heart was already erratic before, but now it was beating so fast I could hear it echoing in my ears.

_Please be here._ I thought to myself. _Please, baby, please. _

I thought back the few times I held him in my arms. He was so tiny, and so precious. I remember the warmth of his soft skin against mine, and how beautiful his eyes were. He was quiet for a newborn, too. Very laid back. He let me sleep through the night. I couldn't even begin to describe how much I loved him.

Abandoning him like that when I loved him so much felt wrong. Even now, I think back to that night and the pain in my chest when I dropped him off hits me like a train running off its tracks. A feeling of losing control, a feeling of never getting it back.

"Ma'am?"

"Um, yes?" I said slowly, eventually snapping back to reality.

"There are no little boys named Liam here, but you're more than welcome to check. Sometimes the names in the system get messed up." Max told me. My heart dropped.

"Oh… I… I…"

He raised his eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I said. "I'm sorry. Let's go check."

"Right this way." Max excused himself from the computer desk and led me to the back. Down the hallway, there were painting's children had drawn all over the white walls. A low murmur of chatter came from each door. My palms felt sweaty as we stopped in front of one door, which the sign "4 - 8" in fun letters.

Max opened the door, and we both stepped in. The room was big and little boys were running around and playing everywhere. I looked around at all of the trains, blocks, and toy cars. It was an overwhelming amount.

I slowly walked around the room and Max followed shortly behind. I looked around for my little boy. For the brown eyes. Pale skin. His teddy bear, or even his necklace. But there was no boy who fit that description. Too tan, or green eyes, or blonde hair. I knew my Liam wasn't here.

"He's not here." I said quietly.

"Oh." Max frowned. "I'm sorry. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

I shook my head. "No. But thank you for your time. I really appreciate it."

We both shook hands, and I went back to the car. I didn't bothering running to escape from the frigid weather. I was in no hurry to get back to that hotel. I wasn't ready for another fight with Edward. The one earlier today was more than I could handle. But much to my disappointment, I got to the car just as normal, and most of the traffic had cleared out.

I took my time walking back up to the hotel room. I took the stairs so I could think about what I would say to him.

My hands shook as I put the keycard into the door and pulled it open.

Edward was sitting on the bed, the light from the television lighting up his face. When he saw me, he quickly turned on the bedside lamp and turned the TV off. I closed the door behind me and put my purse on the ground.

"Bella, I'm so sorry - "

I stared at him. That was quick.

"For missing the appointment, I should have been there with you."

"You're sorry for _that_?"

"Why wouldn't I be? That's why I'm here. To help you find - "

"You're sorry for _that_," I repeated, "after all of those things you said to me?"

Edward sighed a little and got up from the bed, walking towards me as he spoke. "Come on, I thought we were over that. It was just a little fight." He stood next to me now and put his hands over mine. I tried not to look at him. My eyes were burning with tears. "What's going on, huh? What's bothering you?" His voice was soft. He knows. He always knows.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I whispered. I didn't understand why he wasn't yelling at me, and why he wasn't in my face telling me why I was wrong. That's how it's always been for me.

His face fell a little. "There's nothing to be mad about. It was a little argument; nothing to lose sleep over." He shook his head. "But I'm sorry for what I said. If it really upset you that much."

"Don't be… I-It-'s true…. I am unstable…"

Edward didn't disagree with me. "But you can work through it. We'll do it together, okay? I'm here for you 100% of the way."

I couldn't find the right words, so, instead, I threw my arms around him and rested my head into his shoulder. He was hesitant at first, maybe even a little surprised, but his hands eventually made their way around to my back, where he held me close. My eyes were open and in the mirror just feet away, I saw a happy girl staring back at me.

**What do you think is wrong with her cell? Will Bella realize her credit card problems? Keep reading to find out! ;) Haha. I should be updating very soon. I will be going on vacation for a week or so, and while I'm hoping so I'll have a laptop, I can't be sure. I'll let everyone know. Thanks so much for reading! And please, please, please review!**

**Xoxo,Halley.**


	13. Taking Control

**It's chapter thirteen. Because that's my lucky number, it means that you're in luck as well! I'm uploading another chapter tonight (which is so exciting, and I'm so excited about). Sorry about the wait - I've been out of town. (:**

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_JPOV_

My head was pounding from the alcohol in my system- I don't think I've ever been this hung over in all my life. I can't even remember how much I drank… I tried counting, but my head started throbbing before I could figure it out.

I rolled over in bed feeling sick to my stomach. An agonized moan escaped my lips as I met the end of the bed and draped my hand over the edge. The faded light from the window burnt my eyes. I kept them shut and breathed deeply.

There was absolutely nothing in the room. Nothing that I could find, at least. I had practically ripped the room apart trying to find something - anything - that would help me find her. I came out empty handed.

The girl who lay beside me let out a deep breath and I knew that she was awake. She sat up in bed and stretched her bare arms, then fell gently onto my back. Her mouth was inches away from my ear.

"That was fun." Her voice seemed to scream in my ear.

I scrunched up my face and scooted away from her.

"What's wrong?" She asked me, frowning and moved closer.

"Would you just get the hell off of me?" I grumbled to her, my head wanting to explode at the pressure. I couldn't do this. Too painful. My body was thick in sweat. I could hardly move.

The girl found her way to the other side of the bed, where she sat up straight, looking down at the mattress. I pulled the blanket over my body and pulled it closer, nestling my head into the darkness of my pillow.

"I - I can come back later, if you want." She offered quietly.

"No," was my blunt reply.

"Why?" She pressed.

"I have to meet my girlfriend."

The girl froze. I heard her breath hitch in her throat. She sat in silence for a moment, her breathing coming out unevenly. "You… you… have a girlfriend?" Her voice was barely audible. She sounded absolutely horrified.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me that?!" She exploded. Now she was really yelling, and it felt like screeching in my ears.

"I didn't think it was important." I mumbled trying to bury my head deeper into the pillow.

I watched as she shot up from the bed and immediately snatched up her clothes. She pulled her shirt over her head and wiggled into her jeans. She seemed embarrassed as she did this. I shook my head at her impulsiveness and pulled the pillow back over my head. What was the big deal?

"You're a jack ass." She told me from the door. I took a last peek at her from underneath the covers. "I hope you finds out about how disgusting you are. I hope she leaves your sorry ass." And with that, she slammed the door shut.

I fell back asleep.

* * *

Packing up from the hotel was no problem. I had all of one bag, which was filled with whiskey for the most part. They slipped the bill underneath my door and once I was finally able to walk a few hours later, I picked it up. I felt rage take over me when I saw the price - Bella was going to get it for making me pay for all of these God damn hotel rooms.

I put a pair of sunglasses on to hide my ridiculously red eyes (this is California, it shouldn't look out of the ordinary), and stumbled downstairs to pay. I tried to talk as little as I could, since it hurt me head. After paying, I bought myself a bottle of ibuprofen from the hotel store and took enough to ease the pain. I then chugged four cups of coffee to hide the reeking smell of alcohol.

By that point, I was almost ready to go. I had a few things that I needed to do, but I did them from the safety of my car where nobody could hear me. First thing first - I checked to see where Bella was.

My phone took a while to load, but once it did, I opened up the website and checked her credit card history. She was staying at a Holiday Inn in Chicago.

_Chicago?_

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself. "That's over 2,000 miles." I checked the GPS and saw 30 hours blinking back at me. My hands gripped the steering wheel. I'd never make it there in time. By the time I get there, she could be in freaking Mexico for all I know.

My hands were still balled into fists when I put the car into drive and pulled out from the hotel. I needed to fill the tank up on gas before I left. Luckily the gas station wasn't far away, because I was pushing on empty on the way up here. Swerving into the first empty spot, and cutting someone off in the process, I turned the car off and started filling up the tank. Beside me was a teenager nagging at her father. I glanced at them underneath my tinted sunglasses.

"I'm fine without it!" The girl insisted.

"I need to know that you're safe." Her father pushed.

"More like know where I am 24/7." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not a child anymore. I'm _sixteen_ years old. God!"

"If you're so unhappy with it then I'll just take away the phone."

"No!" She cried.

Her father sighed and pulled the nozzle out of the car. "It's not so I can know where you are 24/7. It's for if you get lost one day and you need me to help find you." He headed back towards his side of the car. "I'll hardly even check it. Now go inside and pay for the gas." He handed her a credit card.

"Easy for you to say." She mumbled as she unhappily stumbled towards the store.

_It__'__s for if you get lost one day and you need me to help find you. _I needed to find out what that was. If I could somehow hook it up to Bella's phone, finding her wouldn't be a problem. I quickly finished pumping the gas and hurried inside. I grabbed a water bottle and walked to the check out. The girl was still standing in line.

"Hey." I said to her.

She turned to me and after taking a good look at me, smiled. "Hi." She said, much more flirtatiously than before, like any sixteen year old would do in the presence of an older guy.

"I… I, uh, couldn't help but overhear you and your dad outside –"

"Oh my god. That freaky thing he has on my phone. I mean, what the hell?" She flipped her light brown hair back and we both took a step forward.

"Yeah. Freaky." I agreed. "What it's called anyway?"

"Uh. Family Life."

I laughed, playing it off. "Gay." I rolled my eyes. "Tell him I said that, too". She smiled a little and nodded in agreement. The person behind the counter cleared their throat and she turned to pay. When she was gone, I paid, and hurried to my own car.

I looked up the app. Within seconds, it popped up on my screen. Best of all, it was free. I hoped that it would work. I had a better chance at finding her with this then I did with the damn credit card. She's probably realized something is up by now. Hopefully she doesn't even consider me as a possibility; hopefully she thinks I'm still locked up.

I hope that she doesn't see me coming. After all, every home coming is better when it's a surprise.

While it downloaded, I called the phone company. No way in hell was I paying for this bitch's phone anymore. Maybe then she'd get off of her lazy ass and do something for once.

It was easy to cancel her phone. They clicked it off just like that. I had to ask about the app first - if it would still work. They said it would work better without other signals interfering. Perfect.

Then I was ready to go. I put my keys in the ignition and jumped on the interstate, reading my phone as I went. Bella was in Chicago right now, and I was going to catch her while she was there. I took the exit that headed towards the airport and floored the gas pedal.

* * *

The plane ride was unbearable. I was squished next to an old woman and little kids kicked my seat the entire four hours. My hands were balled into tight, shaking fists the entire ride. By the time we landed, the ibuprofen I took earlier had completely worn off and my head was throbbing. I felt like I was going to puke.

The uneasiness from the landing made me feel even worse. I gripped onto the seat and closed my eyes, trying to process my thoughts. When the pilot came over the intercom and said told it was time to start unloading, I pushed my way through the aisles and ran into the terminal. I darted to the first bathroom I saw and puked in the trashcan. Another guy in there laughed under his breath.

I shot up and took my glasses off, staring right at him. At 6'7" I towered over him. Red eyed and angry, I was convinced I look intimidating. It seemed to work. The guy bit his lip and went back to washing his hands.

I splashed some water on my face and took some more ibuprofen from my pocket. This should keep me alright for a while.

I grabbed my luggage from the terminal, which took forever and rented the first car they could give me. Sadly, it was a minivan. I rolled my eyes when they handed me the keys, but ran out to the car. I was surprised at how cold Chicago was. The wind immediately pushed me back and I had to fight just to walk through it.

"God dammit." I mumbled once I had managed to pull myself into the driver's seat. My dark hair was freckled with white flakes. I shook my head to get them all off.

As the car heated up, I pulled my phone out to check where Bella was. It was still blinking at the Holiday Inn. I grinned and put the car into drive. I knew exactly where I would be staying tonight.

The car ride there took a life time. The traffic was God-awful. Even worse than Seattle! I didn't think it was possible. I weaved in and out of a few cars, trying to make my way to the front of the pack. Ten horns honked at me and people yelled at me through closed car windows. I smirked and pulled in front of a motorcycle. I had gotten so close to the front, that when the light turned green, I zoomed off down the street. I was surprised that the cops hadn't come for me. This is a big city, after all.

It took all of ten minutes to find the hotel. I had to sneak around inside. I didn't want Bella coming downstairs and finding me here. Not yet. This wasn't the right time.

"Hi. Welcome to the Holiday Inn." The woman standing behind the desk said to me. "Can I help you?"

I put my credit card and wallet down on the table. "Yup. I need a room for the night." I said. "Any room you have."

"Alright…" She took the credit card and swiped it. While she waited for the screen to load, she looked at my wallet and smiled. Pointing to the picture, she asked, "Is that your wife?"

Close enough. "Yup." I answered.

"She's very pretty." The woman smiled. "Okay, it looks like we have a room available. You'll be staying in room 457." She handed a key over to me. "Have a nice stay. Breakfast is downstairs from 6 - 8."

I waved her off and rushed up to my room. I made it there without running into anyone I knew and locked the door behind me. This is where I would stay until tomorrow, tomorrow when I find out just what she's been up to.

Waking up from my nap was insanely unpleasant. Not having a drink for the last twelve hours was beginning to catch up with me. I craved the burning in my throat and the power the alcohol gave me.

Not being able to bare it any longer, I stumbled out of bed, and hurried downstairs. I got into the dumb ass minivan I rented, which as much as I hated, would keep for longer then I paid for and drove to the first bar that sold decent drinks.

I walked in and took a seat as far away from the door as possible. I felt chills rush through my body from sudden withdrawal, opposed to yesterday when I was suffocating from drinking too much. I zipped my coat up to my chin and shivered.

The bartender came my way, wiping the counter as he did. "Want anything to drink?"

"The strongest thing you have." I answered almost immediately.

He nodded and poured me a glass. I could care less what it was, as long as it burned like a thousand suns when I drank it. Much to my desire, I did. I slammed the drink back down on the counter and he refilled it for me.

I looked around the bar. It wasn't like most bars I've seen. In fact, it was fairly quiet as far as bars go. The typical "club music" wasn't playing. The DJ opted for a softer song.

Something by Muse, I think. All I could hear was the pounding bass in my ear. I glanced towards the dance floor and saw some people dancing in the brilliant blue lights.

A group of blondes danced crazily with their friends; a brunette danced slowly with a guy, his hands exploring every inch of her tiny waist; another couple, this one a red head and a blonde, danced like the other.

I thought about my Bella. As angry as I am at her, I miss her. I just want to take her home where she belongs so we can be happy again. Then I can take her out dancing and we'll be like the couple's on the dance floor.

I tapped my hand against the counter and held up my drink. "One more." I said as if it would be my last one. He refilled it. The drinks kept coming all night long.

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**Review? (: Love you all! Thanks to my Beta for editing so amazingly!**


	14. I've Seen The Light

**That was quick. ;) Haha, I promised another chapter tonight, and... here it is! This one is a pretty long one too. (Even better.) And I'm hoping you guys like it. Thanks for all the reviews in the previous chapters! That means so much to me. **

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_BPOV_

As we were getting ready for bed that night, I realized that I had almost forgotten how badly I wanted to check out the city. I was sitting on the edge of the bed yanking a brush through my already tangled hair, when I gasped in remembrance. "Oh!" I said, dropping the brush onto my lap.

"What?" Edward asked as he walked into the room. He held his toothbrush in his mouth and had foaming toothpaste around his mouth. He wore a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips and a navy blue sweatshirt.

"Well, I just remembered something." I said.

He turned and went back into the bathroom, spit, and walked back in with a washcloth in his hand. He wiped his mouth before he spoke. "And what was that?"

"It - " I stopped myself and picked the brush back up. "Oh, it's nothing."

Edward raised one eyebrow and I sighed heavily.

"I kind of wanted to stay in Chicago for an extra day." I found myself saying before I could even think. I started running the brush through my hair again. "But that's stupid, so we can just go onto our next stop... wherever that is." I paused for a moment. "Where _are _we headed next?"

Edward laughed. "That's actually not a bad idea. Let's do it."

My eyes lit up in surprise. "Are you serious?"

"Why not?" He shrugged then grinned. "I think we deserve a day off after all of this hard work we put in."

"Okay." I felt myself smiling. "You're right. We should go out and have fun." I grabbed my phone, which was still charging, from the bedside table. "Let's see what there is to do."

"It's Chicago." Edward said. "What isn't there to do?"

I laughed a little and pulled up the internet. Or tried to, that is. I sat there for a good two minutes, tapping my finger against the screen while I waited for it to load. Another minute passed - nothing. I closed out of the browser and went through my contacts, trying to see if the connection was better now. Edward began to question me, but I held my finger up to silence him. I held the phone up to my ear and waited for Edward's phone to ring.

Nothing.

I groaned loudly and threw my phone against the bed.

"What was that about?"

"My phone isn't working. It won't call, won't text; connect to the internet, nothing!" I threw my arms out in defeat. "I don't get it."

"Weren't you also having problems with that credit card?"

"Yeah..." I nodded my head. "Maybe I'm behind on bills or something... I... I just..." I felt another anxiety attack coming on. I breathed out slowly and closed my eyes. I refused to go through another one of these attacks. I'm so sick of them ruining my life. Maybe throwing away all of the pills wasn't the best idea. I already feel antsy after a full day without one. I don't know how, or if, I'll be able to go for much longer without completely freaking out. I let out another breath and, despite my pounding heart, held my hands out and opened my eyes. "I'm okay, I'm okay."

"Sure about that? You look a little shaky."

"Never better," I said a little too quickly. "Just tired. We'll talk in the morning."

"Wait - " Edward interrupted, grabbing my arm.

"Yeah?" I tapped my foot.

"When are we getting up? What are we doing?"

"Oh. Uh. Seven." I said the first reasonable time that popped into mind. "And... breakfast. We'll talk about what we're doing over breakfast."

Edward nodded. "Sounds like a plan." He watched as I crawled into bed. "Night, Bella."

I wrapped the blankets around myself like a cocoon and hugged my arms around my thumping chest. "Goodnight." I called just loud enough for him to hear, before I closed my eyes, praying that I would sleep safely and soundly.

And for once, I did. Despite falling asleep with an almost attack, nightmares didn't haunt me in my sleep. In fact, I woke up the next morning feeling surprisingly refreshed and genuinely happy when I realized I had made it through the night. Edward, on the other hand, moaned loudly as he rolled out of bed, slamming his hand against the blaring alarm clock.

I was tempted to run over and jump on him, but I felt too calm to annoy him. Instead, I got out of bed and went into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and while I waited for the water to heat up, I looked at myself in the mirror and smirked. _Take that anxiety pills. I don't need you._ I flushed the toilet as though it would push them further and further down the drain, even though I knew they were already long gone with just one flush.

I showered quickly. I had a sudden burst of excitement to explore the city that was awaiting us. There were so many things to do; so many things to see! Thinking about the possibilities made me cut my usual long shower fifteen minutes short. I blow dried my hair so I wouldn't freeze in the chilly Chicago air and changed into super thick layers. Unlike California, Chicago was ridiculously cold.

By the time I got out, Edward was already dressed. Apparently he didn't feel the need to shower. I laughed a little at how he looked in his black fluffy parka and he raised one eyebrow seductively. That only intensified my obnoxious laughter. I walked over to him and grabbed his hand as I went past. "Come on. We're leaving."

The moment we walked out of the hotel, both of us were blasted with a wave of ice and snow. My cheeks were already burning and I could hardly see past the flakes. I grabbed onto Edward's arm and we both hurried to the first place that sold breakfast food which just so happened to be Starbucks. I was thrilled that it was something I was familiar with. And even more thrilled that they sold hot drinks.

Like always, I ordered a hot tea and oatmeal. Edward asked for coffee and a lemon pound cake. It was a little packed so we had to wait for a table, but once one cleared, we took a seat and Edward pulled out his phone so that we could see what there was to do. As I had expected, there was a lot of shopping. There were also a lot of museums and galleries.

"Hm. Oh, the art museum sounds like fun." I commented. "Can we do that? Please?"

Edward chuckled. "That sounds fun. Then we can head over to the mall and try some Chicago Style Pizza. It's more like... a pie."

"I know what Chicago Style Pizza is." I told him, before moving onto the next comment. "And why in the hell do you want to go to the mall? You're a guy. Guys hate shopping." When he didn't answer, a sheepish grin came over his face. I gasped. "Edward Cullen, you haven't finished your Christmas shopping!" I hit him in the arm.

"I've been busy!"

"It's okay." I said after a minute of laughing. "I also need too... I wasn't expecting to see my dad. And if I do end up seeing Liam, I want to give him a present." I smiled at the thought. "A Christmas present from his mommy."

Edward smiled too and put his hand over mine. "It's a date."

Once we had finished our breakfast, the both of us hurried back outside, and headed towards the El - the public transportation system in Chicago. It's like a subway in New York, the metro in D.C., not that I've ridden any of the other ones, but I have heard of them. The El took us from our stop to one by the art museum. I was giddy by the time we approached the desk and paid for our tickets.

Most museums I could care less about. Science is not my thing and history is alright, but art... art is absolutely beautiful. Art can take you back to one of those moments in a history museum or to a point before we had the science we do together. Everything has a purpose, an answer, and depth. That's what I like most about art. There's a reason for the drawing, and a purpose for everything that's put in.

I could have spent hours walking through the aisles and aisles of pictures and sculptures and paintings. I wanted to. Spending the day surrounded by the beauty and culture sounded wonderful to me, but I know that Edward doesn't want to do that. As much as I love the art, I know that as much as he tries to look interested, he's not. I could tell just by looking into his green eyes.

While we didn't spend as much time as I had wanted, I still had a nice time. And on the way back while we were headed towards the mall, I leaned my head against Edward's shoulder. "One day I'm going to have one of those paintings in my house." I said softly.

"You think so?"

I smiled against his arm. "Yeah. Well, I hope so."

He didn't say anything else. He leaned into me, resting his head against my own. A girl sitting across from us looked up at the two of us behind her dark bangs. Her eyes sparkled with curiosity and even a hint of envy. I think she was under the impression that we were dating. But I didn't have time to think about her, because the El came to a stop and it was time for us to get off.

Edward and I hurried off and rushed to the mall to escape from the blizzard like weather. Once we were in, it was packed. People were everywhere - walking, talking, shopping... I stepped closer to Edward and grabbed onto his arm so I wouldn't get lost in the chaotic crowd. We walked a little so we were away from the most crowded part of the mall then stepped off to the side so we could see what we were doing.

"You wanted to shop for Liam. Right?"

I nodded. "And my dad."

"Alright." He put his hands into his pocket. "Well, I need to get some shopping done too - and you're not allowed to see." Edward grinned as I frowned. "Do you want to meet me back up here in an hour?"

"That sounds fine. I'll see you soon."

Edward walked in the one direction and I went the other. It took me a minute to figure out where I was going. I hardly go to the mall, let alone one in Chicago. But after looking at a map, I figured out where I should have been going and headed straight to the toy store for my little boy. I decided even before I got to the store that this would be the hardest part of the trip. I must have walked around the store at least five times before a sales attendant walked up to me.

"Can I help you with something?" He looked young, maybe about seventeen. His skin was tan and his hair was blonde. He had a big cheesy smile.

"Oh... I'm just looking for something for my son."

The boy smiled. "Well, what does he like?"

"He likes - " I realized that this boy is my son and I know nothing about him. I don't know what toys he likes, or what he doesn't. I don't want to give him a gift as if to say 'I'm sorry for leaving you for four years,' or 'I'm sorry that I didn't want you at first.' That's not what I want. I don't want pity. I just wanted a present for my baby, but I had no idea what to get him. "He likes a lot of things." I lied.

The blonde boy showed me around the store, giving me a handful of suggestions. Most of them were fast cars and trains. I saw plenty of the boys in the children's home with those kinds of toys, but I still wasn't sure. In the end, I bought a handful of things: a stuffed animal, a train set and some kind of trading cards. It burned a hole in my pocket - I'll have to get a job sometime soon - but I didn't care. My Liam was worth it.

By the time I was finished, I didn't have enough time to shop for my dad. I sighed a little and made my way back to our meeting spot, where Edward was already standing with a handful of bags. I stared at him with wide eyes I as I approached.

"How did you manage to get all of that?" I gestured towards the bags.

"I'm a Cullen." He joked as we started walking. "My sister - the one who moved - she's a crazy shopper. You should see her at the mall. It's ridiculous."

"Alice... right?"

Edward nodded and steered me into the direction of a store. I stumbled over my feet and gripped onto Edward's arm. "God dammit!" I cursed at him underneath my breath. He chuckled a little. "What are we doing in here anyway?" I asked, staring at up the floors of clothes and people.

"Shopping, of course."

"Well, duh." We walked further into the store together. "But why in here?"

"I think you need to spoil yourself. When was the last time you've done that?" Edward asked me.

"I've gotten new clothes before."

"The clothes that you want to wear," He reaffirmed.

I nodded my head slowly, understanding fully what he meant. He put his hand on the small of my back and we walked throughout the store together. There were so many things to pick from. I'll never understand how people can actually find things in stores like this! It looks next to impossible. But nonetheless, I looked through the racks of clothes. Edward patiently walked around the store with me. He didn't seem irritated, or even like he was waiting for the time to pass. It was nothing like the museum. Every once in a while, he'd look at me and smile. I'd smile back before I went back to one of the thousands of racks I was looking through.

I eventually did find something - which I thought would never come. I knew it was perfect. The dress was teal and the back was open and criss-crossed. It fell a little above the knee with an adorable A-line skirt perfect for twirling and dancing. The fabric was soft and the second my hand brushed against it, I was in love.

"This." I said, turning towards Edward.

"You wanna try it on?"

"Oh.. well, I mean, I don't - "

"Come on." He took the smallest size off of the hanger and led me towards the dressing room. I took it from him and went into the first open room. I looked in the mirror and watched as I shed off five layers of clothes. I looked thin. Too thin. I diverted my eyes from my bony body and pulled the teal dress over my head. It looked even better on. I smiled and smoothed the bottom out.

"You done yet?" Edward called from the other side.

"Yes!" I called back. "It looks good."

"Come out. I wanna see it."

I hesitated for a minute before I pushed the door open and walked out. There were four mirrors, and a few chairs for people to sit in, one of which Edward was sitting in. When I walked out, he grinned and I blushed. "What do you think?" I asked, holding up the hem of the dress and twirling around a little. My hair flowed as I spun.

"I think..." He paused for a moment. "I think I'd love to see you in that dress tonight."

I stopped in mid spin. "You mean... like... a date?"

Edward looked at me hopefully and confidently. He didn't even have to say anything. I could tell just by his facial expression that the answer was a yes. I swallowed hard and felt my heart skip a little faster in my chest.

"Well, sure." I nodded my head. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"I was kind of hoping you'd say that." Edward said smiling.

"I'm going to go get changed now." I said quietly and skidded off into the dressing room. Once it was closed, I leaned against the door with my hands pressed to my chest. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to stop an excited squeal from escaping my lips. Me, on a date, with Edward Cullen. Of all the people in the world - him! My best friend.

I shook my head and changed back into my clothes, hoping for the best to come tonight.

I looked into the mirror one last time. Edward was waiting out in the room for me. It was almost time to go.

My hair was down with a big black bow tied in the back. I had put effort into my makeup, but not like I did with Jake. I did it how I liked it. Winged eyeliner, something I've always wanted to try, pink cheeks and a hint of red lips. For once, I was happy with how I looked. The beauty in the mirror was finally smiling back at me and I liked it. Because it was cold outside, I pulled on a pair of thick tights underneath my dress, with thick socks and my favourite Oxfords. There was a black scarf around my neck and a warm jacket covering my pale arms. It was a cute outfit and one I got to pick out myself.

I grabbed my purse and walked out. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Wow." Edward said. "You look... you look amazing."

I smiled. "You don't look too bad yourself." I commented truthfully. He wore a pair of black pants with a navy blue sweater and a collared shirt underneath. It fit him so well. I've secretly always liked when he wore those kinds of outfits, because truth be told, he's a little nerdy at heart.

Edward smiled and held out his arm, while he grabbed a sweater in the other. I blushed and grabbed his arm, holding onto his tightly. He shrugged into his jacket and we walked out of the hotel room together arm in arm. Because this was a date, I had no problem leaning closer into him than I had earlier. We were so close that had our steps not been in sync, we both would have fallen.

Instead of running out to the El, we opted for a taxi instead. I had no idea where we were going, but this was Edward, so I knew that no matter where we went, it would be fun. On the taxi ride, Edward had his arm wrapped around me and I couldn't help but smile. I would have been fine siting here next to each other the entire time, but twenty minutes later, we pulled in front of our destination.

"Thanks." Edward said in a raspy voice and we both piled out of the car. He grabbed my hand and we ran into the building on our right.

Inside, there was music which was fairly loud. People were walking around, some were dancing and others were sitting at tables. Edward led me to the bar and we both took a seat next to each other. "I know it's not the best - a bar for a first date." He laughed. "But I didn't think you wanted to freeze to death outside."

"This is perfectly fine." I said. As long as he doesn't have some jackass friends who come and walk all over me, then I could care less. I smiled and scooted a little closer to show him that I was happy here with him. He smiled back and waved for the bartender to come our way. I ordered a glass of wine, while he opted for beer.

We sipped our drinks slowly and took our time talking to each other. Part of this felt like any other time Edward and I would have been hanging out - just me and my best friend. Then I'd have to remind myself that this was a date. This wasn't just us hanging out like normally. It took a while for that to sink in, but I realized that I liked that idea.

Throughout the conversation, our hands drifted closer and closer to each other. Each lock of our eyes began to feel more and more intense. I felt warm and happy being with him... something I had never felt before. I realized the little things about him that I had never seen before: how his eyes crinkle a little when he smiles and the little dimples in his cheeks that hide, except for when he laughs. The softness of his voice, the warmth of his touch. I realized his perfection.

As the night got later, the music got louder and the room got hotter. It wasn't the usual kind of music that most clubs play and I was thankful for that. It got so stuffy, that I ended up taking off my tights, and throwing my shoes, scarf and jacket underneath the bar stool. The song "Madness" by Muse was playing and I tapped my foot a little and nodded my head to the beat. Edward saw me a smiled a little. "You wanna dance?" He asked me.

"Oh, no, no, no, I'm an awful dancer!" I cried in embarrassment.

Edward stood up anyway and held his hand out for me. "Come on. I'll teach you."

I looked at him for a minute before I laughed and held my hand out. He smiled and brought me out to the dance floor. The lights were all over, shining hundreds different shades of blue. It set the mood for the song. Edward let go of my hand and put his hands on my waist. I felt so small in his grasp and even smaller when he tightened his grip and brought me closer to him. I could feel the outline of his chest against my stomach.

My hands found their way around his neck and we were dancing. It wasn't slow dancing - it was more intense than that. The way his body moved against mine was like no other. I felt my fingers gripping onto him and pulling myself even closer to him and his hands did the same, though his were slowly moving up towards the back of my head, tangling themselves in my thick hair.

My breath hitched in my throat. What happened next was instinctive. I didn't have to think about it - didn't have time to. My body acted before my mind even know what was happening.

He was moving towards me. I closed my eyes leaned my head towards his, closing my eyes, giving him permission to kiss me. He didn't hesitate. His hands were already in my hair and we were already so close. Before either of us knew what was happening, our lips were touching. We kissed once, a simple peck, almost like a test, before we brought our lips together again with fiercer intensity and heated passion.

It was hard to breathe in-between kisses, but I didn't care. It was like a kaleidoscope of different colours and emotions, and feelings. Everything was all over the place, but one thing I did know for sure was this: I wanted him. I _wanted_ this.

_And now I have finally seen the end, and I'm not expecting you to care. But I have finally seen the light. I have finally realized, I need your love, I need your love. Come to me, trust in your dream. Come on and rescue me. Yes, I have known, I can be wrong. Maybe I'm too headstrong. Our love is madness._

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**;)**

**Review?**

**Xoxo,  
Halley.**


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